MY MOM, YOUR MOM
We all know how special our mom's are and we hold them dear to our hearts. For me, I was not always in touch with these feelings. Today I am filled with a deep unconditional love for this lady that without her realizing it she can easily break my heart . Not until my mom became ill, over nine years ago with Alzheimer's did I feel an enduring love for her.
Yes, I always loved her, yet I was not in touch with how much I appreciated and adored her. As a child I was daddy's little girl . Life can be strange, for out of her illness a whole world opened up filling me with a deep affection and admiration for her. Without this I do not know if I would have been able to get in touch with all of these feelings.
Since I was aware that she had to go into a nursing home, I found myself struggling with different emotions. I have had many people reach out to me and share that I should not feel guilty and that this was best for her. Yet I still feel unsettled about her new living arrangement. I as well as mom will just need to take each day as it comes, as we both adjust to all the changes.
Upon my arrival I was able to set up a meeting with the staff at the nursing home. This left me feeling more secure knowing that mom was being cared for twenty four hours a day. They were all professional and knowledgeable about dementia. One could feel their sincerity and sensitivity to our situation.
Last week the many days that I spent with mom, had touching moments and others that were quite upsetting. She said that her mother had called and that she was worried about her, so she that had to leave and go home . She repeated this everyday and at times this was all she could speak about. I believe that this was her way of expressing that her surroundings were different. Mom was unable to connect the words to share what she was really thinking.
She then spoke about needing to to go back home to take care of her little babies. This home was not the place she lived with my dad for over twenty five years, but her childhood home she left over seventy years ago. I found what she said to be fascinating and when I questioned who I was, she knew immediately that I was her daughter. Yet her wishes were to be with her parents. It amazing how this disease could take her back in time to recall and yearn for a place that she was raised in many years ago.
If I could protect her as I would my own child, perhaps I would feel better. Whether it is my mom, or your mom we all hold this deep bond and love for our mothers. I took my son several years ago to the two different homes where I as a child grew up. I remember the warm feelings that resonated from theses places. I treasured all the love and good times as a family that we once shared, so I am able to understand mom wanting to return to her home.
I know that I need to find a way to fill the emptiness and the void that I am feeling since I cannot have my daily phones call with her. I looked forward to these calls and her kisses everyday for the last nine years. Yes, I have been able to speak to her at different moments, but it is not the same. One thing I know for sure is if mom knew how upset I've been, she would tell me not to be sad and please not to worry.
I need to return to that special place of being thankful and embrace all that we still can share. I have been for many years grateful for everything, and I must reach deep into my heart and soul to find that place again. I know that I must do this for my mom, for this would certainly be her wishes for me.
September is Worldwide Alzheimer's Month
My Mom My Hero book is for all the special people in our lives.
Available on Amazon & Kindle worldwide.