AFTER..."OUR" LONG GOODBYE
I have hardly had any
sadness since my mom passed away, nor have I cried. Yes,
there is a pang in my heart if I think of her, yet I seemed to have moved on.
When friends &
family asked me how I feel, or how am I am doing, my answer was mostly the
same; “For the last three years I had prayed for my mom to have peace.
There was hardly any life as she mostly slept or was slumped over in her
wheelchair, her eyes shut closed. An existence that I would never want, nor did
she.”
Just the other day I
decided to reread the 2 books that I wrote about our journey together since mom
had Alzheimer’s. After reading the first several chapters of my first book, My Mom My Hero, to ease the pain I think I subconsciously buried all
the wonderful things mom and I had shared together.
Since we lived in
different states, I would call her daily. I would be amazed at all the Buddhist
like things she would say. We would speak for quite a while and laugh at the
silliest of things like two teenage girls. We would sing together
and have spelling bees where she mostly scored 100. This always baffled me
since at times mom could not remember my name, yet she could always spell
magnificently.
It was not always upbeat.
I had moments of great concern when she seemed to be hallucinating. I later
found out this was caused by a urinary tract infection. After if she showed any signs she would get tested, and if positive would be put immediately on an antibiotic.
I now feel that after
her death all the emotions that have been dormant will surface. Although
there may be some tears and heartache, I want to return to a place in
time where my mom even with Alzheimer's was, to me, the most special lady. I fell in love with her unconditionally and she will always remain in my heart. Her strength and courage through all the years of her illness was something that I greatly admired. I now wish consciously to celebrate and honor her life not bury it.
