Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Mom I Never New

December 2009
At 85 years old with being diagnosed with dementia my mom has become a flower that has blossomed into a beautiful aging lady. With no complaints ever, all alone in herself and home, answering every call I make to her with a cheerful hello and smile.She is always so happy to hear from me. She has become funny and we laugh a lot together. She has touched me in such a way and has really warmed my heart.
She lives part in her world, whatever that may be. I hold and cherish that she still knows me not wanting to think of the day that she will not .I want so badly to be near her and she replies that she will not leave her home,that she’s happy there. My mom says that this is her home and until she becomes a sick little old lady that this is where she belongs. It’s funny because she may not remember so many things, yet when it comes to my asking her to move near me, this always is the same answer that she seems never to forget. It makes a lot of sense to me except last year the same mom had no idea what food was in her refrigerator, if she ate or how to use her microwave. She is totally incapable of cooking for herself .When I asked her to brush her hair she picked up her toothbrush and started to comb her hair. Her clothes are disheveled and dirty and she insists on wearing the same outfit every day. When she’s not looking I had to sneak her clothes away to wash them.  Her clothes were then clean for her to wear again.  She hardly showered and didn’t remember to brush her teeth or flush the toilet. My mom who was the cleanest person you would ever want to meet when Logan and I went to visit her over  2 1/2 years ago her bathrooms and kitchen were so dirty I didn’t even want to touch anything. Her bathroom mirrors were covered with dirt so it was impossible to even see yourself in them. They had so much dirt on them and her kitchen cabinets and microwave were coated with food drippings. My mom would never change her sheets. When I asked her why, she answered “why should I. I’m clean when I sleep in them so they do not get dirty.” My brother, Logan and I sat her down and told her that we were going to get someone in to help her. She was adamant that she did not need anyone, and angry that she was not a child. Anyway my brother found a wonderful lady named Elaine who now spends a few hours a day with my mom.

1 comment:

  1. Wonder if our dads served together in the navy. They were both long legged. I'll have to send you pictures of my dad. He was so handsome and stood just like your dad does in his navy picture with your mom. So sad your mom changed so much. My mom had housekeepers in her independent apartment so we never saw that, and then she went to assted living and had housekeepers and bathers and laundry people, so again we didn't see that. Now she's in a nursing home and they do everything for her, and she hates it when they try to bathe her, so I stopped that this week. "Get her in the tub and let her bathe herself as long as she can. someday she'll be dependent for everything but as long as she can wash, let her wash herself.