Yesterday was Father's Day. I reflected on my dad and knew how much love I always had for him. During my childhood my love and affection that I had for my dad was plentiful. It was my relationship with my mom that was distant. Yes, I was daddy's little girl.
Anyway over the weekend my mom was so sharp and so aware. Ruthie was in the moment. I actually told my son and husband on Sunday, that you would never ever know that my mom had Alzheimer's.
This morning when I spoke to my mom she sounded okay ,yet her caregiver entered mom's home while we were speaking, and asked my mom who she was speaking to. My mom said her son. I said "mom I'm not your son" and mom answered " who are you"? I just think she had a little confusion, because Elaine her caregiver said as she entered "let's go I'm taking you on the road", and my mom started to sing "on the road again" and was giggling. I hear that part of the disease is that people can go in and out of it. Still in my heart I really do not think Ruthie thought she was speaking to my brother, I think she just got thrown off course for a few seconds.
Am I in a little denial ? It doesn't really matter.
A SECOND CHANCE (July 2010)
Today mom actually said something new to me. While reminding mom that Logan and I will be coming to visit shortly she talked about me moving down and I said “mom we have the same conversation all the time” and she answered with “your right; but let’s just say what would I really do if I were to move up by you. Watch TV all day even though that is what I do now in my home? You and your family all have your own life, and you’ll leave to go out and I would be all alone in your home anyway”. It’s this kind of reasoning from her that still amazes me.(Actually this weekend –June, 2011 my mom expressed this very same thing).
As I’ve said the mind and the disease is so complicated. From what I read my mom’s happiness and sweetness is not that common with Alzheimer patients. I have heard that more people get frustrated, aggressive and angry and may act out in hostile ways. So in some ways my mom having Alzheimer’s has opened doors for me to have a second chance, so to speak with my mom, and our relationship. I get to really be there for her, to hear everything she has to say and to delight in her humorous, upbeat personality and to learn from her words. Words that she may have spoken before, that I either did not listen to or words of wisdom that I did not want to hear.
My mom today said for the very first time that she was getting lonesome, that she wished my dad was still with her and then she said “it will be okay, this too will pass”. I know that Elaine has told me that when she comes, my mom gets excited and says she so glad that she came because she has been bored and yet to me, she has never mentioned it. Even if I were to ask her if she was bored she’d say “oh no. I’m out of breath, I just ran to answer the phone, and I’ve been so busy around the house. I just got to sit down”. Okay mom, I think to myself; busy doing what? Sometimes I have asked her and she answers with “I took a shower, washed my hair, scrubbed my tub, and took the garbage out”. Only to know the truth, that she did none of this.
Awwwww - beautifully written and I can feel your pain.....this is a hard road to travel but we do what we can with what we've got and those rare moments of lucidity are so welcomed. Thanks you for documenting your journey (It's me Kath from Facebook via Heather) no profile for FB here
ReplyDeleteSuch a fantastic blog. I work with those who have dementia and I can see how hard it can be for loved ones. I love reading about your fantastic mum x
ReplyDeleteYep, Mom and Grandma both refused to live with their children due to the busy lives of the children and not wanting to hinder that or to have to be by themselves when the family was gone on trips, etc. I think it's a normal elderly feeling. Keep writing. Enjoying it so much.
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