My son Logan will be twenty four years old this week. My mom is now eighty seven years old. And I am.....Anyway life does not stand still. I cannot believe how old Logan is, nor my mom, nor me for that matter. Yet although my mom is not doing as great lately, to be eighty seven is to have lived for a long time. For this alone I am so grateful.
IF WE CAN ONLY FREEZE TIME
I mention to my mom that Logan took a bus to Providence, Rhode Island this weekend to visit his friend from college. My mom immediately said” aren’t you scared”? I am a little taken back by what she has just said. My reply is” no mom I’m not scared, why should I be” and she says” you let Logan go all alone on the bus he’s so young”. My answer to my mom is “he’s going to be twenty three years old in a few months. Ruthie then says “oh my, I can’t believe how old Logan is already, time really goes by so quickly.” I then ask my mom how old she thought Logan is and she answers with,” I don’t know”. This happened a year ago.
The next day my mom had a difficult time remembering her father’s name, Logan’s name, my name, my brother’s name and her name. After I play a little with her on the phone she seems to recall her name, my name and then Logan’s. The clock is starting to tick. I cannot explain why I just really feel it.
As I entered the elevator going to my gym I had a touching experience. There was a caregiver with an elderly woman who I have never seen before. I said good morning and the elderly lady did not answer me. Her caregiver acknowledged me and I then looked at the lady and said again “good morning” and she smiled and repeated it back to me. Her caregiver then motioned to me that the woman is not all there. As they were getting off the elevator at the lobby and I remained on it, I asked the caregiver if the woman had Alzheimer’s and she answered" yes". The caregiver then motioned that the women is always battling, for she put up her hands and moved them like a boxer. I smile and said “I understand, for my mom also has Alzheimer's”. I proceeded to the gym with thoughts of what just happened. I have not experienced being so close to someone else with Alzheimer’s. I seem to remember that on one of my trips to see my mom, while I was visiting, we ran into someone who knew my mom, and of course my mom didn’t recognize her . I explained to her neighbor when my mom just started to sing from nowhere that my mom had Alzheimer’s.
Is this something that we feel that we need to explain or apologize for someone’s actions? In my case, I wanted to let her neighbor know why my mom did not recognize her and why she just started to sing. No I was not embarrassed for my mom’s actions. Quite the contrary. When I look at my mom today I just feel so much love for her. At that moment I had decided to explain to this lady, who had showed such kindness to my mom what was going on.
My husband enjoys giving me articles to read and it had me remember all the articles my mom had given me over the years. When my mom gave them to me at times I found it annoying. Now I miss the fact that she can no longer do that. It’s funny how we can take for granted things, not cherishing all that passes us by. We do not realize how in one second something can just come to an end. All that’s important to me now is to tell my mom how much I love her and to try to brighten up each and every one of her days.
In three days my son Logan and Ruthie’s very favorite grandson (she has only one) will be celebrating his twenty fourth birthday. I remind my mom and her answer always is “please remind me again because I will surely not remember,” yet today she sang the Happy Birthday song and asked me to please deliver it for her to her sweet grandson. Yes mom, it will be my pleasure to deliver your message. If only we can freeze time and not let life pass us by so quickly it would be a treasure.
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