DOES MY MOM WITH ALZHEIMER'S KNOW IT'S MOTHERS DAY ?
I'll be off to see my mom on Wednesday for Mother's Day. My flight leaves New York early in the morning. As I prepare myself for my trip I get flashes of all different memories and feelings. What will mom be like this time ? How much has her Alzheimer's caused her to disappear into her world ? Speaking to my mom each day is quite different than living with her. For the most part my conversations on the phone with my mom are great. Then of course there are those other moments. So actually being and living with mom for several days is quite different. My heart misses her and my stomach seems to churn both with excitement and nervousness.
During this week my emotions about my mother ran like a river with many inlets. Today's phone call left me feeling exhilarated, yet during the week after my mom had an episode of incontinence, I fell into an emotion of feeling quite sad and lost. Fortunately she was fine for the rest of the week, as her caregivers realized that they might have overloaded her with too much bran, since she had been constipated.
After that episode I was not able to shake the sadness that I seemed to carry with me for most of the day. I had felt that my mom was no longer whole and had become half a person. How could this be and now where was my mother's journey from Alzheimer's going ? What would be happening next ? I did not understand, and for the rest of the day, I walked around in a haze, with a lump in my throat and a pain in my heart. Each day when I called I was frightful, until I was reassured that my mother was doing just fine.
Today, I had so much joy I wanted to run to a mountain top and spread the words that my mom had just shared with me. She had such a softness and nurturing kindness to her voice. We at first spoke about all the people who she could not remember since most of them had moved away. Mom said that maybe if she was able to see them, then perhaps she would remember them. "Mom, I declared, I hope since I live so far away that you never will forget me". My mom answered with "how could I ever forget you". Then she explained that the most important thing is that we are all well. She continued to say that there was nothing more important than being healthy.
I changed the subject and told her that I would be seeing her in five days as I was coming to celebrate Mother's Day with her. My mom seemed to remember that I had promised to take her for an ice cream sundae. With delight in my voice, and shock that she could remember this, I shouted to her "absolutely". As our phone call was coming to end, my mom then uttered the sound of these words, "do you love me like I love you"? As my heart seemed to break in half, I answered with, "Mom, I love you even more than that". She then started to sing the words as we said our goodbyes.
With much love in my heart, I just wanted to place her last words to me and seal them in a bottle for me to open whenever I so desired to. I know that after we hung up, mom does not remember our conversation, nor does she even remember that I will be seeing her in five days. I know that she has no idea that it's Mother's Day. Yet I do, and for me my mom will always be that special mom, that for years before she became ill, I never even knew I had.
I would like to wish all the mom's, a very special Mother's Day.
My mum is also my best friend, shes at an earlier stage than your mum by the sounds but im having to do more and more for her such as making her lunch to make sure she eats etc.
ReplyDeletePicking out a mothers card today it all of sudden hit me that mothers day has become such a hard thing for me, here i am a 36 year old guy standing in the shop welling up reading cards thinking about my old mate, its just not fair for such a great lady to be delt this.
well thank you for sharing you and your beautiful mums journey, ill continue to visit this blog even though its tough, but we have to be tough dont we, for our mums, you both have a great day.
Adam
Thank you for sharing this. This was a different kind of mother's day for me too, with mom so far away with Alzheimer's. Prayers.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say thank you for this. There are so many of us that feel the same. Thank you for sharing. Jan xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Jan, Thank you for expressing your feelings after reading this post. It means alot to me that you are able to connect. Hugs, Lisa
DeleteOn May 2, 2012, Mom had an episode when her blood pressure went up, she had pain in her left arm, and was hallucinating. The assted living took her to the hospital and I met them there. Her heart checked out fine, but they noticed dementia. At that point, we'd had no diagnosis, but they decided to keep her there and do tests. On May 4, the day you wrote this we got the diagnosis of a clogged artery in the back of her neck that is inoperable and vascular dementia. Until then we thought senile, but not a real disease. Our world has changed this past year with a rehab from this hospitalization, another fall that resulted in replacing a hip, another rehab and the nursing home. She's been more unhappy the last 6 months of her life than ever, and reading these stories on blogs helps me feel like I have friends out there going through the same thing. Mom turns 90 on April 30, 2013. Keep writing, you touch people.
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