SAVORING THE MOMENT
It is now almost a week, where each day I have found my mom to be, what one might say connected.
It is true that she has absolutely no memory anymore, of the past nor the present, yet she has been sounding so refreshed and so alive.
This last week there have been no dark clouds in her life, only beautiful colors of a rainbow. Mom has been extremely happy and her world seems to be filled with clarity. I hear the sounds of birds chirping when she answers the phone with "hi sweetie." She sounds so carefree as sounds of laughter accompany her world.
We have been able to have some conversations without her rushing me off the phone. We have sang some songs and spelled some words and she has been able to follow along with each breath that she takes. It seems to be like a miracle, as if she has escaped from Alzheimer's. We have been able to be in the moment.
Of course she is not the same mom that I had before, yet this lovely lady is still my mother. A mother that can still tell me how much she loves and misses me. A mother that gets excited every time she hears the sound of my voice. A mother that still can tell me to have a wonderful day, and a mother who still shares with me how lucky we are to have our health.
The other day after I spoke to her I thought of my childhood and teenage years, and I thought how my mother always believed in me. I thought how supportive she was to me, and how she encouraged me, when I needed to hear those words from her. For some crazy reason, I took most of this for granted.
I realized today how my world has changed so drastically with our relationship. Now with every breath she takes, and with the simplest of things that she may say, I hold on to each syllable that resonates from her sweet lips.
The words, "I miss you and I love you" have such a deeper meaning to me. These are words that she still can speak. I realize that as time goes by, because of Alzheimer's, she may not always be able to say them . I hold on tightly and I cling to all these loving words, as if I never heard them before.
Today, until no longer, I savor all the love that I receive from her. I cherish even more, all the love that I can also give back to her. I think of this as savoring the moment, for I know all too well what probably lies ahead.
On October 21st, I will be on the Walk to End Alzheimer's as a tribute to my mom , her younger brother who has passed away, and for all the others who have suffered from this disease. We are all in this together and we must share in spreading awareness. We must find a cure.
Once again, your words have touched my heart. I know what you mean about taking things for granted in the past, and how absolutely magical the words "I love you" can feel these days. My mom's speech was one of the first things to go, but every now and then, even in her worst moments, she will pop out a clear sentence. During those moments, when she says, "I love you," it's the best gift in the world. And as far gone as she is, I have to believe that in those moments, she knows what she's saying. <3
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