SEARCHING MY HEART

SEARCHING MY HEART

This picture of my son Logan, my mom and my dad means the world to me. It was taken in 1990 and for me it brings back many loving memories . Life was quite different then. We were all younger and when I look at mom she was filled with so much joy, just being close to her only grandchild. Today mom has no idea that she has a grandson.

Several weeks ago I went to spend time with her at the nursing home. I also spent a part of each day with my brother going through my parents personal belongings. Dad had passed away over eighteen years ago and although all his clothes were no longer in their home, we found his navy discharge papers and love letters that he wrote to her while stationed in Trinidad.

We prepared her condo to put it up for sale, knowing that mom would never be returning. Each day my brother and I shared some touching moments as we reminisced about our childhood. Now mom has no recollection of her home of twenty seven years. This like everything else seems to have vanished from her life.

Surprisingly to me, I was able to go through the week without too many emotions taking over. I held out and after returning to New York, I did experience several days of a "melt down". I broke down and cried for both of my parents, and also searched my heart about my own mortality.

I thought of mom's new life and what may be left of it. It seems when one door closes another one opens. The people who tell me that they understand, I know that they say these words out of kindness. Yet unless they have had a loved one with Alzheimer's they cannot really understand how horrific this disease is. I too wonder how it can rob you of your entire life, as if it never existed.

Wiping away images of what my mom lives through each day, somehow helps me to be grateful for the remaining days, months or years that we still have left .Staying in the moment keeps me from drifting into darker territory, places that I am fearful to travel .  I just want to feel her warmth and smile whenever I think of her. My heart must see the sun rising each day, as I know this is what my mom would only wish for me.


This Sunday Oct 20th in NYC I will be walking for my mom, her younger brother who passed away from Alzheimer's, and for all the other families all over the world who suffer from this horrific disease.

My Mom My Hero book is for all the special people in our lives.

Available on Amazon & Kindle worldwide.
http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-A-daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1381851317&sr=1-1