Before I left to see my mother a nurse told her that I was on the telephone. My mom then replied, "I do not have a daughter." The next day when I called mom got on the phone and immediately said "I love you." When I answered that I was coming to see her she said "great". I used to want to believe, and maybe it was so, that my mom knew and understood who I was, as she shared her expressions of love for me. That was then, and as her Alzheimer's gets worse, I do not know if she truly understands that I am her daughter.
It had been over a year since my son Logan visited his grandma. He used to accompany me two times a year while mom still lived at home. On one of his last trips mom asked him how many brothers and sisters he had, and as he exited the room she only wanted to know who that handsome "boy" was. The fact is that Logan is her one and only grandchild, one whom she so adored.
This trip was a little difficult for both of us. For the first 2 days mom was extremely tired which left her agitated and confused. Fortunately, on Day Three mom had a good day and right before we left fell asleep on Logan's shoulder. This was a touching moment that melted all of our hearts.
After returning the one question my friends wanted to know was if she still knew who I was. "Maybe, for she did say my name two times in three days," I replied. Perhaps mom recognized my voice or the tenderness of my touches. When I asked her who I was, she said "her mother." I felt complimented that she placed me in this special arena, knowing how much she adored her own mother. Could she have meant her daughter, or as other Alzheimer patients do, did she just mix up her words?
She told me she loved me, yet I heard her say this to all the nurses and aides as she threw them kisses. They have displayed a kindness and warmth to her, which I feel is quite genuine. Fortunately mom still runs around most of the day in her Merry Walker inviting everyone she sees to join her on her travels. Ruthie with her smiles and sweet demeanor has been able to capture their hearts .
Whether my mother knows who I am or not this trip seemed to be harder for me. I was left with unanswered questions and thoughts of mom's life as it now exists. She will be ninety years old in August with no other health issues. If she were free from Alzheimer's I would be thrilled. Given what this disease has done to her I wonder if there is any quality left in her life.
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Hi Lisa-Your posts are always so meaningful to me because my mom's progress is just about where your mom's is. My mom is in a nursing home close by. I visit frequently but even so, I know she is not sure who I am anymore. Nevertheless I shower her with kisses and hugs. To add insult to injury she has lost her sight and her hearing is limited. It is crushingly painful to see your mom deteriorate this way. I too question her quality of life because I know she would not have wanted to live this way. Nevertheless, I cherish the moments with her. So, so sad...
ReplyDeleteHi Bari, Thanks so much for sharing with me about your mom and all your love for her. Mom's are very special people. Hugs to you and your mom. Lisa
DeleteHello Lisa, last year I had sent you a note regarding Alzheimer's. At that time, you wished that you could talk to me. My email address is greenrkennel@gmail.com. In your March 23rd column, you don't know if your Mom even knows you? She does. No matter how "far gone" she is in the illness, she does know who you are. The day before my Mother passed, she told me things that I figured she didn't understand when I would talk to her on our visits. She thanked me for talking care of her....God gave her back to me as my Mother and me her Daughter. This will happen for you as well! Always remember, the last sensory we loose is hearing. Talk, talk, talk..... She knows you are there....she just can't let you know that....but if you look deep into her heart when you are talking to her, she knows who you are and is hearing EVERYTHING you are telling her. How great is that? Please email me, I would live to talk to you personally, as I am in the middle of writing my story of me and my Mother. I would love to share it with you....Nora
ReplyDeleteHi Nora/Max, I greatly appreciate your thoughts and sharing with me.. I belong to an Alz Assoc support group and this has been discussed. I know that they say that people in coma's hear our voices. I believe that whatever anyone wants to believe in their heart is the right . Thanks again for sharing your own experience. Hugs, Lisa
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