A LONG, LONG WAY FROM HOME
I just love her smile, laughter and the spirit that resonates throughout her. One second she can light up my life while the next moment I can feel a deep sadness within my soul for her. Living far apart does not make it any easier.
When mom first became ill and for several years thereafter, I kept inviting her to move back to her home town, New York. Her answer was always the same. "I'm never moving back, for I love my home".
I knew that it was impossible to relocate to Florida, and since my brother lived nearby, I accepted and respected her wishes. I often wondered why she would not want to be near me, nor her favorite one and only grandson. New York was where she was born and raised, a place she had lived with my father till they moved in 1985.
The distance that now lies between us is something that bothers me very much. I only get to see her every few months for a couple of days and, after I leave, she no longer knows that I was even there. I'm always left with different feelings about how she is doing. I question her mere existence of what I describe as "nothingness".
My next scheduled trip is in mid August, when I will be celebrating mom's 90th Birthday. I'm thrilled for I have decided to make her a party at the nursing facility. A surprise one at that! Yes, she'll enjoy the cake and songs, although I wonder who this celebration really is for. Her or me?.
The other morning I received a phone call from hospice who shared with excitement how well mom was doing, and that they would be removing her from their care. I replied with "oh that's good news," although that was not exactly how I was feeling.
If mom had a chance of recovery, I would be jumping for joy, yet understanding this disease, I really cannot feel too delighted.
I wish that mom and I could be living closer. Then I would be able to spend whatever precious time I have left with her. I just know that she is a long, long way from home. A distance that is much too far away for me.
My love for her is so deep that I wish she could live another ninety years!
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Lisa
ReplyDeleteI can feel your torment that you are not closer in distance to your Mom. With this disease whether you are in the same house or states apart most of the time you will always be a long way apart. Treasure the time that you have together and always know she is in your heart and you in hers. The distance is the hardest part and my Mom lived with me. I noticed in your picture how happy she is when you are there and this is what we need to hold onto because on a daily basis you see sides of this disease that no one should ever have to endure. Treasure your visits and know that your Mom is happy and that is a wonderful memory for you. Hugs Carol
Carol, I love your support and inspiring words to me. You are so special . xoxo Lisa
DeleteWow! What a nice and informative article. I can really relate to this because I also have a grandmother who is suffering from AD. I cannot take care of her or visit her all the time because I live far from her place, that's why I am so thankful to GeriJoy because it could entertain my grandma anytime! You can also check out their website at http://www.gerijoy.com/
ReplyDeleteDan Thank you for the info and best of luck with your grandma. Lisa
DeleteLisa, when Grammy had dementia I used to call every morning at 9am. Now that I am living with it myself (at 56yo) I understand that audio-only is rather difficult and unnecessarily energy-consuming. Current technology makes a much better option available with video calls. Telephone is quite stressful but I enjoy connecting with my family regularly on video Skype (for free!).
ReplyDeleteT.L.K. I was so moved by what you just shared. I love and admire your courage. Please know that I am here for you. sending big strong hugs your way. Lisa
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