SHE'LL ALWAYS BE MY MOTHER
How can I find the words to express all the feelings bottled up in me since returning from spending four "precious" days with my mother? This was a special trip in which we celebrated her 90th Birthday.
The first two days mom was exuberant as she shared many different stories with us, some that made sense and others that did not. It didn't really matter what she said for it was a miracle that she was feeling so alive. Her smiles and laughter melted my heart. She was energetic and it reminded me of how she was before Alzheimer's crept into her life.
On day three she seemed more interested in running around in her Merry Walker than speaking to us, and, on day four, she expressed how tired she was, sounding more like a lost child, as she questioned every second what she should be doing.
Fortunately I was able to enjoy every moment with her and did reflect on my trip after I returned home. After sharing this with my husband I realized how much my heart ached for her and how much I already missed seeing her.
It will be four "long" months till I return to Florida. It's been difficult living so far away and having such limited time to share with her. This time in January I will be staying a whole month so I can spend more quality time with my mom.
Mom said some special things that I hope never to forget. The one I want to always remember was when we were walking down the hall together and she said that she "will always be my mother".
I know that she is my mother yet I still cannot help feeling how I want to take her in my arms and protect her from everything in her life that could possibly hurt her. I want to hold her, cuddle her, and kiss her as I tell her that everything will be alright.
Friends and family always ask me if my mom still knows me. I want to think so yet at other times I may not be sure. Today, I believe she knows she is my mother and that I am her daughter. It's a bond that can never be broken no matter how much Alzheimer's may steal from her.
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Hi Lisa
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a wonderful trip and a very special birthday with your Mom. Don't worry deep down she will always know she is your Mom. I struggled with this also and then realized even when Mom did not recognize her own reflection in the mirror she always changed when I was there, she became calmer and more contented and I truly think she recognized me. Even the day she passed away she was worried and I asked her why and all she could get out was for me so I want you to know that deep down she will always know she is your mother. I don't want you to worry that you will forget the little things she says because they will be forever imprinted in your heart and these are the words that comfort you when you feel sad or are missing her. Stay strong and remember the wonderful time these last 4 days brought you and your Mom. Hugs Carol
Carol, thank you for your support and encouraging words. I know that my mom will always know me even when she may seem like she does not. xoxo Lisa
DeleteSuch a touching post ...
ReplyDeleteBless you and your mom ...
Margie thanks so much. Lisa
DeleteIt IS a bond that can never be broken. You treasure the memories of your visit and that brings you joy, yet that's also what makes it so difficult. Much of what you write and express so very well is close to my experiences with my dear mom (who turned 92 in July). Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you and your dear mother.
ReplyDeleteBabalax, I just love what you shared with me. It brought tears to my eyes. Hugs to you and your mom. Lisa
DeleteSo touching mother and daughter memories
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I'm glad you found this post touching. That means alot to me.
DeleteThanks for sharing. Lisa
Bless her - she sounds such a lovely mummy, much like mine... Much can happen in four months - treasure these words as they are her "true" self speaking to you from the heart right there...
ReplyDeleteKeira, you're so correct. I'm lucky. She is now a real "sweetie" .Yes I know 4 months is a very long time. My heart is hurting. I love what you wrote me. Thank you so much.
DeleteLisa