I will be celebrating my birthday July 12th and I, who never made a big deal about this day, now feel differently. It is because of my mom. I find it sad that the woman who gave birth to me has no memory of this day, or in fact, any other day. My mom for the last ten years has been suffering from Alzheimer's.
The sorrowful part is that each year as I get older I loose a little bit more of her. Having a child of my own I cannot imagine that I might one day not remember bringing him into the world; or perhaps that I even had a child. How could a disease like this invade one's mind and destroy a life that once was?
Alzheimer's is a rotten disease yet mom has been one of the more "fortunate" ones. The disease has not left her agitated and she seems to have opened her heart to more love. It is I, who at moments, feel the effects of the disease.
In mom's mind she still remembers me (and my brother) as a young child. Her mind has traveled back in time to thinking she still lives with her parents. A place and time for her that she once felt safe, loved and secure. Everything else has pretty much disappeared, so how could she in her mind now have a daughter all grown up? It's almost as if time has stood still.
Forgetting my birthday is the easy thing, it's when I think about how she now lives and all the things she can no longer do, that I get upset. The simple things like getting out of bed each morning, feeding herself, getting dressed, combing her hair or brushing her teeth. These are things that mom no longer can do, yet I do them each morning maybe taking "life" for granted.
Mom does not realize how different her life has become because she has no memory of what her life once was. For her this is a "blessing", and for me it is being able to "accept" how things now are.
So mom, whether you can remember holding me in your arms as I took my first breath or tying my shoes as the laces came undone;this no longer matters. As long as you are not in pain and seem to be "relatively" content then I guess for now, as I blow out my birthday candles, there is not too much more that I could wish for.
I love you mom and will always be grateful that you are the mom who for many years put candles in my cakes; and as the years went by you watched me grow up into a young lady, get married and have a child of my own.
MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours.
Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio.
http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-A-daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389797650&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch
Happy birthday Lisa!
ReplyDeleteMy mom's 93rd birthday is on Saturday the 11th. I am leaving tomorrow to be with her for 4 days.
As I have told you before, I can relate to so much of what you share and I really empathize with your feelings.
~Barb
Barb thanks for the Birthday wishes and please give your mom a big hug for me.
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Lisa
Your mother is worth honoring and serving, Lisa. Despite her condition, she is a fighter. Alzheimer's is a tough disease; though as you’ve said, it presents itself in different ways. People like her should be given the best home care, as a way of letting her keep her safe and loved. They will need our assistance however we can provide it.
ReplyDeleteKrystal Copeland @ Countryside Village
@Krystal. Many of us (Lisa and myself included) cannot care for our mothers in our own homes because we live thousands of miles apart. I would dearly love to have my mom with me rather than in a nursing home. But it is not possible. And that makes it even more difficult for us long distance caregivers.
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