MOM, CAN YOU SHARE YOUR WEDDING DAY?

MOM, CAN YOU SHARE YOUR WEDDING DAY?

October 25th,1942 my mother & father were married. I never questioned them about their wedding and sadly, today, I have no one left to ask. I wonder if they had a big party. Was it in Brooklyn where my mom grew up, or was it on the Lower East Side of Manhattan where my dad was raised? From this picture I know that mom wore a beautiful wedding dress and held a lovely bouquet of flowers. Neither one of their families had much money so their celebration could not have been fancy or extravagant.

Realizing this, I just phoned my brother to see if he remembers anything. He did not answer his cell phone so, in a panic, I sent him a text and asked him to call me ASAP. I didn't want him to worry, so I mentioned that everything was okay. I just needed to ask him something. My brother just returned my call, he also knew nothing about mom & dad's wedding day.

My reaction surprises me, since all of a sudden the facts and details about their wedding day is so important to me. Is it because all the history of my parent's lives will shortly be gone; or due to mom's disease it has already disappeared?

I was married two times and for neither one did I walk "down the aisle". I never remember mom giving her opinion or saying very much about her own wedding. Could I have been so caught up in my decision that I never bothered to listen?

Today I yearn to hear my parents tell me all about their lives. I could sit intently with a quest and hunger to listen to every word they had to say.  Without realizing it I took for granted that my parents would always be around to tell me about their dreams, their desires and their lives.

Mom can no longer tell me much about anything since she now has Alzheimer's. If I could ask her one question it would be, mom can you tell me about your wedding day? Unfortunately I now know there is no answer.




MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours. 
Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio.

 

MOM'S "NEW" WORLD

 

MOM'S "NEW" WORLD


In less than three months I will be back in Florida to spend some valuable time with my mom. As the countdown begins I feel a conflict of emotions; excitement, since I will be able to see her every day, and nervousness wondering what she will be like.

I wonder why, when I think of her, my feelings of love and queasiness go hand in hand. Her world seems to have stopped as if the arms of a clock were frozen in time. Why can't I just except what her "new "world now consists of ?

As her daughter and caregiver I seem to envision what I would not want for her. If mom had a looking glass before, and had known what her life would have looked like, would she have asked me to "save" her from this world; a universe of Alzheimer's and a world that is still so unknown ?

Alzheimer's has different stages and although mom has been in stage 6 for some time now, she  appears as she did a year ago. It is over eleven years since she has dementia. Is this good or bad? Is she one of the lucky ones ? It is all how one looks at it. I believe that mom is not suffering so then I feel that, given this disease, this is all that I can ask for.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like not to know where you are, what day it is, if the sun is shining, or if it is raining? What did you eat for dinner last night and how did you spend your day? What is your favorite movie or what book did you just finish? These are the simple everyday things of life that most of us take for granted. Can you imagine not knowing any of these answers?

I question, who is the one truly suffering? Is it my mom or is it me? I think we as caregivers know that answer. Yet there is nothing we can do. I ,like you, sit and wait. Fortunately I still cherish her smiles, her laughter and as each days go by, me in my world, and mom in her "new" world, I take a deep breath and keep moving on.



MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours. 
Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio.

THE WEDDING DAY

THE WEDDING DAY


My son got married this past weekend and my husband and I are still floating on "cloud nine". The wedding took place in Martha's Vineyard which is a 5 hour car ride from my home in New York City. We were away for five days to celebrate this joyous occasion with family and friends.

Mom would have been so happy and proud. Logan was the "love of her life," and also the only grandchild she ever had. I wore a bracelet to the wedding that my mom had given me so I could feel that she was somehow with us.

Since mom has Alzheimer's and lives in Florida we knew that it would be impossible for her to come. I did not call the nursing home for five days, although I had notified them that my brother and I would be away. I knew that if anything happened they would immediately contact one of us. 

After returning home from Logan's & Julia's wedding I quickly phoned the nursing home. They told me that mom was doing well and I shared with the nurse about my son's wedding and asked her to please go tell my mom. As I hung up the phone, my eyes became watery, as I wiped away my tears.

Maybe mom would understand for a split second, yet I realized, poof it would all be gone. I knew that there would be no pictures for her to glow over, or any memories of the special times they once had shared.

A sadness came over me as I realized how she is locked away, not knowing any of the joyous parts of the world she once lived in. I thought, is this the life that she would want to be living? If I had the power would I be able to end it for her?

I shared this with my Alzheimer Support Group yesterday, and what I was left with, is that death is so final. I would no longer be able to hold her hand, touch her cheek or see her smile. Could it now be that what I have wished for, may not be, what I really truly want.


MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours. 
Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio.