PEOPLE ASK- HOW IS MY MOM DOING?
This is my mother 26 years ago. A lot has changed since then. My dad passed away 22 years ago and my son Logan is now 28-years-old. For the last three years mom has been living in a nursing home. Except for Alzheimer's and macular degeneration she takes no medication and is in perfect health.
In many ways my family has a lot to celebrate and be thankful for. Occasionally friends will ask this one question of me. "How is your mom doing?" I often answer, "my mom is doing good considering that she's had Alzheimer's for the last 12 years."
Several weeks ago I stopped to really think about this question. I thought about mom, a lady who has no idea about the life she once lived.
She no longer understands that she needs to get dressed each day, brush her teeth, or comb her hair.
She never thinks about what she'd like to eat, or what restaurant she'd like to go to.
She has no idea what has transpired in the world or that we just celebrated Thanksgiving.
She has no fear of Ebola or terrorism.
She does not understand that her only grandchild just got married. In fact she does not really remember that she has a grandchild.
She no longer needs to think about what friend she might like to spend the day with, or what movie she would like to go see.
She no longer has to make any decisions on whether she'd like to take a walk in the park, stroll on the beach, or go to her favorite museum.
She does not remember that she was married for 50 years. She does not remember giving birth to her two children.
She never has to decide where she'd like to go on vacation or what country she'd like to travel to. Life for her has certainly become "carefree".
Mom has no understanding of how her life has been wiped away by such a horrific disease. So how is my mom doing? She'd doing good, and how am I doing? I'm also doing good, which is a conscious decision that I have made.
Today there is no cure for Alzheimer's. So as long as I believe that my mom is "happy" and not in any pain the only thing left for me to do, is to love her completely.
When I read this post it rang so true to me and how I answer when people ask about my mom.
ReplyDeleteMargaret thank you for your comment...yes and isn't it so true!
DeleteMy mom's formal diagnosis of dementia was made less than 2 years ago but probably should have been made before then. I'm not sure anything would be different now if it was made sooner though. My dad kept her at home for as long as he could manage with my 2 sisters and me helping as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteShe's been in a memory care facility since November and is well cared for and safe-- when I'm asked "how's your mom doing?" I usually say she's doing about the same or she's doing ok, because really, every day is different. Some are good, some aren't as good and she is upset about her husband of 60 years not visiting for a long time (he visits daily but she thinks he's someone else). Some days she seems happier than other days. I'd like to believe she is happy, because then I'd feel better. I guess I'm not sure what to think as I'm usually still in some level of denial that this is the way things are now.
Laurie I so understand and can relate to what you have said. They do claim that the disease starts years ago. Unfortunately since there is no drug to prevent AD even if you and your dad had discovered it before it would not have really made any difference. I think for us as caregivers we need to believe that our mom's are happy. What else would we want to believe. It helps us with our sorrow. Please know that I am always here for you. Hugs to you and your mom. Lisa
DeleteI read your book lisa and it absolutely beautiful between the love between you and your mom and the way you have stood by your mom God bless you
ReplyDeleteSharon what you just said is so sweet of you. I'm thrilled that you liked my book. hugs
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