MY WISHES
Although my writings about my journey with my mother have become rather scarce, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. My feelings seem to fluctuate daily from a smile on my face to a pang in my heart about the world she now lives in.
My "lifeline "is being able to contact her nurses several days a week. Each time I ask them to deliver a message to her. Please tell mom that "her daughter Lisa loves her and misses her". They all assure me that they will. Hopefully for one minute mom thinks or remembers me. Either way it makes me feel that we are connecting since I live so far away
I often get questioned about how mom is doing. I know that whoever asks is being both thoughtful and kind yet it is a rather difficult complex question to answer. Considering that mom has Alzheimer's for fourteen years and, is on no medication at the age of 93, I guess one could say, that she is doing good... then I think to myself , if one considers a life of non existence.
Last January mom became so ill that we put her on hospice and was certain she would pass away. I actually prayed each day that this would happen. I stopped praying since my prayers were not answered and somehow she "bounced" back.
Mom was taken off of hospice and is now confined to a wheelchair. Sadly she no longer has the strength or maybe know how to walk. Her days of walking around in her Merry Walker have come to a halt. Mostly she sits with her eyes closed and every once in a while she "perks" up and says something. When the aides or the nurses interact with her she somewhat, responds yet, that is pretty much the extent of her life. I know mom would no longer want to be alive and honestly speaking, neither would I.
I hope that when her time is up she passes away as peacefully and painlessly as possible. How I wish that I could give her this last final gift. I want to hug her and take care of her in a different way than she had ever cared for me. She gave me life, and, how I wish to be able to give her peace.
MY MOM MY HERO - A mother & daughters new found love. http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454248406&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch
