MY WISHES
Although my writings about my journey with my mother have become rather scarce, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. My feelings seem to fluctuate daily from a smile on my face to a pang in my heart about the world she now lives in.
My "lifeline "is being able to contact her nurses several days a week. Each time I ask them to deliver a message to her. Please tell mom that "her daughter Lisa loves her and misses her". They all assure me that they will. Hopefully for one minute mom thinks or remembers me. Either way it makes me feel that we are connecting since I live so far away
I often get questioned about how mom is doing. I know that whoever asks is being both thoughtful and kind yet it is a rather difficult complex question to answer. Considering that mom has Alzheimer's for fourteen years and, is on no medication at the age of 93, I guess one could say, that she is doing good... then I think to myself , if one considers a life of non existence.
Last January mom became so ill that we put her on hospice and was certain she would pass away. I actually prayed each day that this would happen. I stopped praying since my prayers were not answered and somehow she "bounced" back.
Mom was taken off of hospice and is now confined to a wheelchair. Sadly she no longer has the strength or maybe know how to walk. Her days of walking around in her Merry Walker have come to a halt. Mostly she sits with her eyes closed and every once in a while she "perks" up and says something. When the aides or the nurses interact with her she somewhat, responds yet, that is pretty much the extent of her life. I know mom would no longer want to be alive and honestly speaking, neither would I.
I hope that when her time is up she passes away as peacefully and painlessly as possible. How I wish that I could give her this last final gift. I want to hug her and take care of her in a different way than she had ever cared for me. She gave me life, and, how I wish to be able to give her peace.
MY MOM MY HERO - A mother & daughters new found love. http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454248406&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch
Beautiful words as always a mother love so profound
ReplyDeleteSharon thank you so much for your love & support.
Deleteso sad when the body outlives the mind...
ReplyDeletehugs
OMG so sad and so true !
DeleteI feel exactly the same way! Couldn't have said it any better. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteNew Dream thank you for your kind supportive words.
DeleteLisa, your words and thoughts are so special. You're doing your best for your mom! I can relate to your writing and your feelings. I just walked on Saturday for the Walk to End ALZ in our county to remember my dad who left this earth a year ago. Now I watch my mom slowly slipping away, dying of a broken heart, after being married almost 71 years to dad. She's at the point of not talking much anymore. I'm thankful I can see her often, but just want to rock her in my arms and I tell her "God is always with you and loves you so much." Blessings to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteJane, I am sorry about your dad's passing and now your mother. It is special that they were able to be together for 71 years of marriage,almost 3/4 of a century. Sending you and your mom some big strong hugs as you continue on this journey.Lisa
DeleteLisa my friend. I think you are amazing. And I know how this is wearing you down. Watching your parent suffer is so cruel. I myself wished I could have given both of my parents a needle in the arm to help them end that pain when both were struggling. It's not right. Love you!
ReplyDeleteKitties thank you for your kind words about me "being amazing". I am not, it is my mom who is the one. Thanks also for understanding. I think that what we both wish for is something that we would like for ourselves. "Death w Dignity".
Delete