March 2020
For the last few days I have been shedding tears realizing that I will finally be saying my goodbyes to my mother. As I begin to write my "last" chapter I reflect on the journey that my mom and I have been on for the last 16 years. Then suddenly without notice it seems that the whole world shuts down.....the Coronavirus has arrived.
Second week in March:
I will be leaving in a week & have been locked out of visiting mom. At least I will be departing knowing that she was somewhat aware as I stroked her hair, kissed her and held her hand. In my heart I believe that we both could feel all the love that we have shared.
March 16th:
Coronavirus.... in some ways we are now prisoners ourselves. From no where the world now seems like it’s crashing down. While I am "stuck" in Florida I pray that my mom will find peace.
Coronavirus.... in some ways we are now prisoners ourselves. From no where the world now seems like it’s crashing down. While I am "stuck" in Florida I pray that my mom will find peace.
March 18th:
How does the saying go...I feel like a "man" without a country. Haven’t been able to see my mom because of shutdown of NH. For a few days I actually forgot about her, so desperately trying to figure out my own life. I pray that my son, his wife and our precious grandson will be okay. Our family and close friends are persistent on us remaining in Florida,
Maybe mom will go to sleep while I am here. Funny for now I am locked in a "prison" like her. The one thing keeping me centered and not falling apart is that each day that I and my husband awake with no fever, I am grateful. How could I possibly ever cry, while the whole world is in the same terribly sad situation.
How does the saying go...I feel like a "man" without a country. Haven’t been able to see my mom because of shutdown of NH. For a few days I actually forgot about her, so desperately trying to figure out my own life. I pray that my son, his wife and our precious grandson will be okay. Our family and close friends are persistent on us remaining in Florida,
Maybe mom will go to sleep while I am here. Funny for now I am locked in a "prison" like her. The one thing keeping me centered and not falling apart is that each day that I and my husband awake with no fever, I am grateful. How could I possibly ever cry, while the whole world is in the same terribly sad situation.
March 21:
We were suppose to head back home to NY 2 days ago on March 19. Not sure how long we will be remaining here. It feels like life now stands still as the world waits to come out of their homes. To open their eyes to a whole new world, one that in some ways may feel the same, and in other ways will never look the same.
I of course have not been able to see my mom & I am sad that I probably never will. This week her weight dropped to 80.4 and I was told she is listless.
April 18th:
How I wish I could say my goodbyes. Honestly these last few weeks since I cannot see her I have not dwelled on what I could not do for her. Actually there were a few days as the world was collapsing that I did not even think of her .
My thoughts have been consumed with my husband, son, daughter in law and my precious 9 month old grandchild. I shared with my husband that there would be no one else in the world that I would rather be stranded on an island with.
Update July 2020:
I have been back home in NYC since May7th. I speak to the nursing home weekly. There have been several cases of Covid19, mostly from staff. Up until a few days ago they have successfully been able to keep the figures low. Now it seems like a get a call every few days with another one who has the virus.
Mom does not eat & yet has not lost any weight since I left. I've been told that she occasionally says of few jumbled words, shakes her head to answer, sleeps most of the day as her eyes remain closed. The head of nursing does not understand how she is still alive. Mom will be turning 96 August 24th. I have no idea when my mom will finally say goodbye, yet, what I am grateful for is that in her world she has no idea of what I and the rest of humanity are now living through.
P.S. A day or two before I was leaving I went to her window which was located on the second floor to say my goodbyes. There was a beautiful tree (photo above) that reached her window. It brought tears to my eyes as I remembered what my mother had shared with me. She told me that when she was a teenager in the summer she loved to sit under a tree for hours and read. It's amazing that this tree has been here all these years and I never discovered it. It has now become for me, my mom's tree.
As I now look back through the past 16 years on this journey with my mother I realize many things. I reflect on moments of sadness, yet I also remember even more all the loving special moments that we shared. Way to many to count. It took me until I became an adult to share a bond with my mom that only a mother & daughter could share.
P.S.S. Since my mom is in the last stages of Alzheimer's I did not want to bother anyone to bring her to the window. Yet I did phone a very special aide from outside the NH. As tears rolled down my cheeks, I asked her to please go give mom a kiss & tell her how much I love her. She promised she would as I wished her well and told her that I would come back some day to see her.
As I now look back through the past 16 years on this journey with my mother I realize many things. I reflect on moments of sadness, yet I also remember even more all the loving special moments that we shared. Way to many to count. It took me until I became an adult to share a bond with my mom that only a mother & daughter could share.
P.S.S. Since my mom is in the last stages of Alzheimer's I did not want to bother anyone to bring her to the window. Yet I did phone a very special aide from outside the NH. As tears rolled down my cheeks, I asked her to please go give mom a kiss & tell her how much I love her. She promised she would as I wished her well and told her that I would come back some day to see her.
Be safe world and please let's all keep wearing our Masks!
"Letter To My Mom" & My Mom My Hero are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
awsome
ReplyDeleteThank you .
DeleteMy sister in law has just brought her mom home
ReplyDeleteWishing your sister in law and her mom the best.
Delete