MY HEART JUST BROKE IN TWO

 

Photo from 2018

My Heart Just Broke In Two

It’s been quite a while since I have shared about my mother. Honestly speaking, that is because there is not much that I can say. I have written a few blogs since my return in May from seeing her.

Recap:

My husband and I arrived in Florida the beginning of January as we did each year and was visiting mom regularly until March when Covid19 forced the nursing home like many others to shut down. Since then it has recently opened on a limited and shortened visiting schedule. Since March I have continued to speak to the head of nursing weekly to get updates on my mom. She was hardly eating as we had observed and has remained hardly responsive and listless. This is still the nurses observation yet her weight dropped from 83lbs to 77lbs. 

Fast Forward:

Last week I received a call from a social worker from Hospice who I met back in February. She said that she was with my mom and would I like to do a Facetime. My immediate response was "no", since mom can't see me given that she is legally blind. Within a split second I changed my mind and the Hospice social worker happily changed our call to Facetime.

The second I saw mom tears ran down my face as I told her how very much I loved and missed her. At that moment I just wanted to hug and touch her, and keep telling her how much I loved her. She heard me, she recognized my voice and I was certain she knew it was me, as I watched her head move up and down. I also witnessed the opening of her eyes for one split second. My husband was on the call with me and we couldn't believe what we were seeing. I continued to tell mom about her great grandson and how she had always told me that the love one feels for your grandchild is undeniable. Once again  she opened one eye as my heart broke in two. Mom not only heard me she knew that it was me.

After sixteen long years of watching how Alzheimer's has robbed my mother of her life, I have always known that deep inside whether she verbally spoke to me or said my name that she has always known that it is me. As a parent myself I can never imagine not knowing one's own child. 

As of now, with cases of Covid19 rising I will be staying back home in New York, not knowing when I will be returning to Florida. I don't know when and where I will ever get to see my mom again yet I hope to be able to communicate through Facetime. 

The love that I have for her is so deep, and although I lost her years ago, my love for her is undeniable. I am grateful that she has been well cared for through the years, and still wish that she will soon find peace.

 

Alzheimer's My Mom My Hero

https://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-Daughters-Bittersweet-ebook/dp/B00BZC9LBQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1516971426&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch

Letter To My Mom