MY BEST BUDHA NAMED RUTHIE
My mom came alive again today. Just several days after her return home from the hospital, mom is back. Except I know better now, and that is, that my mom will never really be back and yet she has moments of having her senese of humor , her wit and her wisdom all rolled into her petite silhoulettte.
Mom only wanted to know when I would be visiting her. Ruthie was aware that I lived in New York and she in Florida. We laughed, we sang and we celebrated just being alive.
"Hi mom how are you"? "I'm good and do you want to hear something crazy"? "Sure mom", I replied.
"There is this picture hanging on a wall that is the same exact picture that hangs in my home". "Well mom you are in your home". Mom answered with a uncertainty in her voice, "I am"?. "Mom do you know who you are talking to"? Mom said I don't know and then corrected herself rather quickly with saying "my best friend". I decided to play along with her. She then told me, like she has for the last several years that I was funnier than Milton Berle. "Okay mom who is Milton Berle"? Ruthie answered, "I don't know". There was a time not so long ago, when my mom would say the same expression to me. The differnce was, she then knew that Milton Berle was a famous comedian. Not anymore.
My mom's disease has opened up my heart and soul and has deepened my love and respect for her and others. Through what may look like a tragedy to some has opened for me a caring loving safe space. A place filled with compassion and understanding that somehow seems different than before.
My mothers courage and strength has so deeply inspired me. Her words of joy and love has enlightened my heart. My mom named Ruthie has become my budha. Not only has she blossomed ,she has opened my heart to reach out to others and for this we share our story.
FACT- Every 69 seconds someone in the United States is diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
My Mother/Nana/Sister/Auntie/Wife was the most wonderful, intelligent, artistic, beautiful, loving & caring person - she did have her moments too but Alzheimer's takes the good before the bad and I had to remind myself of the good in her before this horrible disease took hold. I cared for Mum for over 2 yrs after my father pasted away, it help me to love and respect her more. With great regret she went to a nursing home 18mths ago, it was best for her and I and my relationship with my partner and kids at the time.
ReplyDeleteI have some great memories of when I was looking after her, she was my 'Mysterious Fairy' lovingly named because things would happen, disappear or appear that she never knew about (walking in wet concrete was the best one, her foot prints are still there for me to see, I just smile and feel the love she once gave me). I love her so very much and visit her in 'Never Never Land' as much as I can sometime with my kids in tow - I still tell her about our lives, family and general things, I so miss and wish she would give the great advise she once did. My Mysterious Fairy is now 37kgs and a shell of herself and has no memories of us or life, the best thing about her is she will always be my MUMMY.
From one daughter who knows the love
Kim
Hi Kim,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read what you wrote it had me smile and feel all the love you have for your mum. It also left me feeling sad. I have had many people write to me and your words reached my core. I love your description of Mysterious Fairy.So cute and touching. Yes this is a horrific disease and I find that the only people who truly understand are the victims of this disease. I would like to send you as many hugs as I can. Lisa/Mommyhero ( Sorry I had no email to write you back directly).