A DAY FILLED WITH SUNSHINE
Today was a really good day for my mom as were the last several days. My heart seems to go up and down with lightness and heaviness depending how my mom is doing each day. I know this has to be a normal response and I do not question it. I just know that this is how it is ever since my Ruthie became ill with Alzheimer's.
Fortunately for us my mom still has enough good moments for me to have a smile on my face and to delight in our daily phone calls. Just today I said to my mom after we sang several somgs that neither of us remembered the words to, "Mom, are you my sweetheart", and my Ruthie answered with, "no how could we be, we're both girls. If you were not a girl then I could call you sweetheart". We both laughed and at that moment, I think even mom understood how silly our converstion was. It really does not matter I just love hearing the sound of my mom's laughter .
The next part of what I'm about to share was at a moment that my heart felt quite heavy. It goes like this:
As I sat in the waiting room for a tour of another nursing home for my mom, I was left in deep thought and feeling rather sad. I have seen the dementia floors in several nursing homes only to keep feeling that my mom was not ready for this. Although my mom's illness will progress I know that she has some life left in her. Bringing her to one of these places will probably really upset her and the thought of it seems to sicken me.
My husband has been touring these facilities with me and we are sadly starting to speak about our own mortality and what might lie ahead for us. I'm sure that if my mom could reason, and truly understand what her illness will be doing to her, as it progresses ,she'd probably wish deep in her heart to be able to say goodbye now.
My mom on most days seems happy, yet she has no idea what day or year it is. She knows not where she lives nor can she remember most of her life. I've often described her mind like a blank canvas. It is amazing that Alzheimer's can just remove ones life as if it never existed. My mom has no idea what is happening in the world (which may not be such a bad thing). And although my mom does not remember that I just called or visited her, I know that she can still feel all the love I have for her.
Life can be great and life can be wonderful. Life can also be cruel and hard. None of us know what lies ahead , so we must truly be happy and thankful for each new day that we have. These days are truly a gift. I know that my mom only wishes for me a day filled with sunshine.
I've been reading your blog for quite some time now. I can't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I am the primary caregiver to my 85 year old Mother who also has Alzheimers. Your blog touches me very much as our Mom's are similar in many ways. My mom is petite, a firey redhead who dances every chance she can get. Even her recent onset of hallucinations mirrors part of your journey as well. I know it has to be so difficult to think about having to move your Mom into a nursing home. I know I will dread it when the time comes for me. Thanks for sharing your walk.
ReplyDeleteBless you for such a beautiful story of love, courage, and faithfulness. I care for my 91 year old Father who also has Alzheimers. Some days he cannot remember much of his life or who he is, but I do. No one in a facility would know my Father's history. A care giver in a facility would not know he was born into a 15 member family, raised on a farm with 10 brothers and 3 sisters, that he was married for 63 years to my Mother, that his beloved son, a police officer, is in heaven, or that when he says I love you, he really means it. As you noted with your Mother, I know if my Father had any comprehension of his true status, he would have wanted leave this life long ago. I pray daily for a cure for this most heart wrenching and debilitating disease.
ReplyDeleteI work for A Place for Mom and I love your blog, Lisa. We'd love to have you as a guest blogger on our personal blog: http://www.caregivers.com/, if you're interested. We want to build a support community for people going through the challenges of caregiving, and your voice is informed and sympathetic. Let me know if you're interested.
ReplyDeleteTreasure every moment, i lost my Mom to Alzeimers on March 22 2011 3:43am we nursed Mom at home she stayed in a Nursing Home for about 6 weeks while a package of care was put into place, that was the most traumatising thing for us to do as a Family, only now am i realising just how brave my Beautiful Mother was as the last 3 years of her life was spent in bed, i dont know how she had the strength but i do know she always kept her dignity esp when carers called to wash her. We always say now its like a long goodbye but the things Mom went through were unbelieavable im just glad that as a family we could be with her i treasured every moment, even down to changing her pad, to feeding her, to washing her hair & if i can just walk one mile in her shoes then i will happy, i feel so blessed that i am her Daughter & My World has certinly changed now she's gone, i Miss her so very much. RIP Mary Jones i love you xxxxxxxxc
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