A BREATH OF FRESH AIR
After one week of my mom not responding in her cheerful way, there were some concerns that she was moving into another phase of Alzheimer's. Ruthie somehow bounced back and once again she was doing "well". She was ready to chat, and chat is what she did. I kept a prospective on what doing "well" actually means, given the destruction from this disease. Mom is not the same person, yet I like to look upon her as still being whole, just in a different place.
I find that being thankful for the little things from Ruthie is all that I can ask for. I am thrilled and delighted when our phone calls have sounds of laughter, and mom is still able to understand most of the things that I share with her. I know that I need to keep my communication with her simple. No longer can I tell her stories, for she will then say that she cannot understand what I am speaking about. Complicated conversations will only confuse her, so for now short and sweet is the way to go.
"Hi mom, did I tell you that I wrote a book about you?" Ruthie with an upbeat voice filled with clarity chimed in "that's very nice of you." I shared that my book was dedicated to her and is called, My Mom My Hero. With much pride in her voice mom sounded delighted and thanked me. I wanted to believe for the moment that she understood everything I just said to her.
Given that she cannot remember that I call each day, I am certain that she has already forgotten about the book . My book honors her, and shares about all the unconditional love that I now feel for her as we travel together on her journey.
Mom continues with,"Lisa I thought you were coming to visit today." "No mom that would be impossible since I do not live close to you." "Oh where do you live?" "I live in New York." "I'm sorry I forgot, and I will wait for you to visit no matter how long it takes." With those words my heart melted and I replied," I'll be coming in a few weeks, but right now I'm waiting for my kisses." Her response was, "I didn't know that you were waiting for my kisses." She made me laugh and I made sure to let her know, that my day is not complete without them.
After hanging up I had a passing thought of what would it be like when she can no longer throw these kisses. A day that I do not want to think about, and I only want to celebrate now her being alive .I know that for me as long as mom can still have a breath of fresh air, I am grateful.
These simple things in life that one can take for granted, are for me what really counts. My mom today still fills my heart with a love that I deeply cherish. Life can be great and life can be tough ,yet how we choose to look at it can really make a diffference.
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