LOVE IS LIKE THE OCEAN
I shared with mom that I had called to tell her how much I loved her, and to wish her a lovely day. As if she was a poet she recited this beautiful verse to me. "Love is like the ocean, beautiful and clear." Was I hearing things? Exuberantly, I shouted "mom that was absolutely beautiful." I could actually feel moms smile right through the phone wires as she said "I'm so glad you liked it." I quickly rejoiced in her poetic words. For a split moment my mom became my spiritual Buddha. The eloquence of these words fascinated me.
The following day I phoned in a humorous mood and as she answered my call I did not say my usual "hi Mom," instead I said "hi Mommy" which Ruthie found to be quite funny. She giggled and said "I like that I am your mommy." With that I chirped in that I had four names for her, which were Mom, Mommy, Mother & Ruthie. I could tell that we both were feeling amused. The phone call was light and silly.
For me these daily phone calls are so meaningful. I look forward to hearing her sweet voice and I adore telling her how much I love her. Funny how this unconditional love that I feel so deep in my heart, was not always present before she suffered with Alzheimer's. I wonder if my calls back then were out of obligation rather than love. There were times that I would call to share about her one and only grandchild that she so adored. Those call always brought much joy to her heart and I loved to hear about how smart, kind and handsome he was, from his one and only grandmother.
Unfortunately, today mom does not remember that she has a grandson. At least in her mind, yet in her heart I know she knows. I know when he comes with me to visit she feels all his love as she gleams back at him, with much affection. I love watching them holding each other's hands. Logan and I are planning to visit her during the month of June. I am getting excited as the time is getting closer
As our phone calls come to an end, mom usually wishes me a wonderful day and repeatedly tells me that she only wants her family to be healthy. Healthy, I wonder how she would actually describe what the word signifies to her. For when I repeat it and question her about her own health, her response is always a positive one.
I have written down mom's beautiful verse that she just said to me, as I want to remember it always , "Love is like the ocean beautiful and clear." For me my love for her is deeper than the deepest part of any ocean. My mom, my mommy, my mother will always my hero.
My newly released book-My Mom My Hero, is now available on Amazon and Kindle worldwide.
http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363625113&sr=1-6&keywords=my+mom+my+hero
So sad to read this as we are going through the same thing
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful! Thanks for sharing. I can relate to some of this with my Grandmother.
ReplyDeleteHi Jen and Jackie,
ReplyDeleteI had no email address to get back to you about your heartfelt comments.
I'm sorry that we are all so familiar to this disease. You and your family are in my heart. I am here for you. Lisa
You have touched my heart so much. I too am going through this terrible journey with my Dad. To date he still knows us but the day will come when he will not. I too have special names for my Dad. Dad, Daddy, poopie pappy, and he loves them all. He told me the other day that he would love me forever and ever. I cherish those special words and God knows that I will love him forever and ever.
ReplyDeleteI so adore what you call your dad. Just love him with all your heart as he loves you.
DeleteLisa
Beautiful....I was my mothers caretaker till the very end, she lived with us for the last 6 years of her life. As her dementia progressed, she would no longer remember us , but I know in her heart , we were there. In your last 6 months of her life, at this point having end-stage dementia, she would call out to me..Mommy! She had lost all her mobility to walk, eat solids, etc. It was very sad to see her slowly dying right in front of our eyes...I miss her so very much! It has been 2 years and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Be strong !
ReplyDeleteDebbie I am so touched by your love and caring and committment for your mother. She will live in your heart forever.
Deletexoxo
Lisa
I, too, took care of my mother until the very end. she was in my household for several years and as the AZ took over she became a different person to me. I got to know the young child my grandmother had raised and found out that true love is not lost by a disease. tho my father had been dead for over 15 years his photo always invoked her memories. The young gentleman caller, her blind date, George, her husband....and then there was her dislike for my spouse. He respected that she was my mother and always treated my attitude about family and had no problem living with her. She always knew him. She knew he was Jack or her daughters spouse....never mind I was her daughter and she was telling me this. I learned to live in her world and just as people get frustrated with others I am quick to say enjoy them. When people give me condolences I only smile and say thank you. You see for all the health problems her last few months were and all the heart ache the disease gives the caretakers. No one will understand how hard it is to lose someone twice....once in mind....once in body. For those of us that have been there we pray daily for strength for those that still have to endure. Enjoy your parent now. Blessing to all.
DeleteNancy thank you so much for what you shared. Your following words. " No one will understand how hard it is to lose someone twice....once in mind....once in body," really touched my heart. It was so profoundly said. So sorry about your mom. Lisa
Deletethat was lovely...I am watching a mother go through vascular dementia and my husband go through early onset Alzheimer's. We rejoice in the smallest of things, and for that I am beyond grateful. Blessings to you and your family!
ReplyDeleteand to you . I am here for you always as you go through this difficult journey with your husband and mom. Sending you big hugs. Lisa
DeleteI went through this with my Mom who ultimately died from an unrelated condition. It was a challenging though rewarding journey we made together. Using her words, I wrote the following:
ReplyDeleteRemember when I was the mother and you were the child? I used to dress you and pull your socks up. I used to do your laundry and change your sheets, at least I think so, but I’m not sure…And now – you take care of me and I wonder what I did to be so lucky or what you did wrong so that you have to pay this penance….
Remember when I was a smart person. I think I left my brain behind when I moved here. Why am I not normal? Why do people look at me so strangely? What can I do to make this better?
Remember when I could remember… can you tell me about your Dad? Do you remember very much about him? Can you tell me because I forget? Growing old isn’t for sissies. My forgetter is better than my rememberer. Was it ever any different?
Remember when life made sense. I could tell the time and knew if it was day or night and now I can’t tell and wake up when everyone else is sleeping and stick my head out the door so often to see if anyone else is up and around. I arrive late for meals and people think I’m crazy.
Remember when I was independent? And now I count on you for everything and feel so guilty for burdening you and being so lazy when I should take care of myself. Have I told you today that I love you? I love you desperately. What would I do without you?
Remember when life wasn’t such a puzzle? There are so many pieces and I can’t figure out how to put them together. Maybe it’s time for me to move on.
Oh my Bev, your words or should I say your mom's has touched my inner being with chills and tears. Absolutely beautiful.
DeleteLisa
My mother-in-law is walking through Alzheimer's; I never "liked" her prior to this, she was mean spirited and just not nice, now it is like the veil of anger in her life has lifted and she is sweet, childlike and quite loveable. I would never have dreamed that something so horrible as this disease would allow the real person to shine through. I am thankful to God for seeing her as he meant for her to be and not as the world made her. Your story is a great reminder of this.
ReplyDeleteAmen.
DeleteI have been there with my Mom and she had it for 25 years. She smiled everyday , could not see in the end, or walk, but she was always a loving, caring person with this disease. I miss you mom and I will always be thankful for having such a wonderful Mom till the end.
ReplyDeleteI will never regret the hard days , but the love days kept us going.
Anyone who is a caregiver with any disease, God Bless You.
Amen
The only thing that I can say to you is that I'm happy that you have such wonderful memories of your mom. She will always be in your heart and soul and for that you were blessed. Lisa
DeleteWow so great that you wrote this, I went through that but now my mom is at the end. She has hospice and 24/7 caregiver at her home. They say the end is near, for her I hope so, because she's been suffering with a lot of pain from this. I guess you can say we both have been suffering through this Alzheimer's illness. I don't wish this on anyone...Thanks for your blog and book....D
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your mom. I can only imagine the pain that you are going through. My prayers are with you and mom. Lisa
DeleteThank you for sharing.....We share the same feelings and thoughts...My Mum is so loving, and always was....I do the same thing with her, every day, call her Mum, Mumma, Moo...She laughs as sometimes I think she thinks Im just her best friend only because she cant remember im her daughter. Somedays she remembers me as her daughter, but cant believe Im not her "little girl"...Im 61....I love her, and will be her "best friend " forever...x
ReplyDeleteSo similar to my feelings. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI blog about my Mom as well...I will find time today to read all of your posts...
ReplyDeleteMy blog is detoursfromsanity.blogspot.com.......
My mom and I are dedicated to having fun, fun fun....but it is hard, hard hard....
Sharon trhanks for getting in touch with me. Keep on writing it "cleans or souls."
ReplyDeleteNo one knows what a family goes through unless they walk in their shoes, There is a thief named Alzheimer that comes and steals your love one away little by little piece by piece and there is nothing no one can do but be there and love them and remember all the good times and try to deal with the bad, Thanks for sharing it brings back a flood of memories for me and my love one who was affected with Alzheimer
ReplyDeleteI know how this disease destroys and breaks our hearts to see our love ones as they disappear in front of our eyes. I just try so hard not to go there and to love what is left of my mom. Yes we walk in the same shoes. I'm so sorry form your loss.
ReplyDeleteLisa