THE MOM I SO ADORE
Less than a week ago I returned from spending seven special days with my mom. When friends asked me how she was doing, I answered, "wonderful, given that she has Alzheimer's for the last nine years." The distance between us is difficult, yet I know that the nursing home that my mom is living in takes good care of her.
As I returned to frigid weather in New York, I thought of how unfair it would have been to bring her North. Mom has been living in warm weather for the last twenty seven years and her body temperature is use to that climate.
My husband joined me on this trip, and mom was unable to recognize him, nor remember who he was, yet magically fell in love with him. She wanted to know if he was her husband, and could not understand that he was her son-in-law for the last 33 years. Perhaps she imagined herself jumping on a white horse with him and taking off into the sunset.
Each day we took her out to sit in the garden to enjoy the warm breeze and the sounds of birds chirping. She walked around in her Merry Walker as my husband pointed out the different color flowers. It was like watching a child discover the beautiful things of nature for the very first time. I embraced her enthusiasm, her smiles and her laughter. Mom was in seventh heaven as she gleamed with delight.
At her age of eighty nine, mom is still feisty and has a good sense of humor. She enjoyed singing and spelling and on most occasion's knew I was her daughter .Once in a while she said I was her mother. Her mother, her daughter it did not matter, because I felt all the love that we had for each other.
I know that you cannot fight the progression of Alzheimer's yet mom seems to be "holding on". If I think of her surroundings, the bedroom she shares with her roommate who no longer speaks and the others who have disappeared from this horrific disease, I could cry my eyes out. Not knowing when and if mom will be like this, I now choose to cherish the time that we still have together.
Today, although mom is different than she was, I hold deep to my heart how very much I adore her. Sometimes in life we need to be thankful for what we have, for one day that, too, shall be gone.
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Alison has left a new comment on your post "THE MOM I SO ADORE":
ReplyDeleteLisa, You opened up my eyes to thinking differently about what this disease is doing to my mother. I never think like you do...looking at the positive side of their lives right now. I think about how it is changing her daily, and taking away the mother I once knew. But believe me, I do love her every moment and try to make her smile and laugh. I don't dwell on the negative changes when we are together...I wouldn't do that to her.....but rather deal with and accept her for who she is now and love her all the time. But I guess when I am alone or when someone asks me how she is doing, I am more likely to say, "Changing all the time." It's so negative sounding, but I guess I didn't realize that until I just read your very positive words. Maybe it's my anger towards Alzheimer's that causes me not to think of anything positive to say about my mother's condition because of it. But you did. And your words are beautiful...and honest...and true. I am going to try to read them often and hopefully have my heart think of these lovely thoughts. I will try. Thank you, Lisa,
Posted by Alison to Alzheimer's - My Mom My Hero at December 15, 2013 at 10:19 PM
DeleteLisa Hirsch Mon, Dec 16, 2013 at 8:51 AM
Lisa Hirsch Mon, Dec 16, 2013 at 8:56 AM
To: Alison
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Alison I just want you to know that your words mean so much to me. I
am so sorry to hear about your mom. We are all is this together and
please know that I am here for you. Sending you some big strong hugs,
Lisa
Hi. Really enjoyed reading this post. I can feel how much you love your mom and I can't agree more with what you said about cherishing the time that you still have together. I regret not doing that when I was providing long-term care for my dad who had cancer. Thanks for sharing your story. I know a lot of people going through the same thing will learn a lot from you. :-)
ReplyDeleteDear Imani, I can feel your love and warmth through the words you wrote me, and I'm sure that your father knew at all times how much you adored him. I'm sorry for you loss.
DeleteWishing you a healthy New Year filled with love. Lisa
My Mom has lived in a memory care facility for two years now. One thing that touches me is the care and concern I feel for all the other residents and how the other families have care and concern for my Mom. It is a beautiful thing that we can love each other unconditionally as human beings. I like to think of myself as a volunteer daughter. The smile on the faces of the residents when they see me is heart warming. They don't know who I am, but they know that I come to visit and talk to them. The hugs and love that I am able to give and receive from all of them is precious to me. I never have gotten much of a response from my Mom my entire life, but I know she appreciates what I do for her. This experience has changed me. It is both difficult and beautiful at the same time. Just know that your Mom is receiving love from many people--even those you do not know. You can't go wrong by loving.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, I just want you to know that the words you have written describing your feeling are some of the most special thoughtful and loving words that have been shared with me. Oh how I wish I knew you . Your being and spirit of humanity is breathtaking. xoxo Lisa
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