CONFESSIONS....15 MINUTES OF FEAR
Could it be? Can I have the start of Alzheimer's? It is more likely that I can get it since it has stricken two of my family members (mom & her brother). My odds are greater than someone else whose family has never suffered from it. It is hereditary although that does not mean that I will get the disease.
The thought occasionally crosses my mind when I cannot remember some movie that I saw, or a famous actor's name. I try and concentrate till I recall the names and then I feel a sense of relief.
I do not walk around worrying about getting Alzheimer's, yet I am quicker to make a joke about it to excuse my momentarily lapse of memory. I have decided not to be tested to see if I have any Amyloid plaque buildup in my brain. I am really not that brave!
So, I must confess that today for about 15 minutes I could feel the anxiety, and panicked as I searched all over my apartment for a prescription that my drugstore said they had filled 15 days ago. Could I have been so forgetful that I had no recollection of this?
I called my husband to explain the situation and to hopefully calm me down. "The drugstore said they were sure that they delivered the drug to me on October 16th and here it is October 30th. If this is true wouldn't I have at least 15 pills left? Where could they be?"
I do have a great system, after I take a pill each morning I turn the bottle sideways in my medicine cabinet so I am sure that I took it. If this was the case I would be taking 2 pills a day for the last 2 weeks since no pills remained.
After my panic attack subsided and I was once again able to think clearly I called the drugstore back and with security said " I searched my home all over and do not have the pills." The pharmacist then said that I was correct, since they checked their records and it was never signed out or delivered to me.
As I took a deep long breath and cleared my head, my anxiousness subsided and I was able to feel "relief" that for "now" I was safe and free of this disease.
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Lisa, thank you for this blog. Thank you for everything you share but this entry especially. I understand completely! My grandmother had what they called "hardening of the arteries" and died at 75. No one called it Alzheimer's then but that is surely what it was. My dear mom is now 92 and has dementia. Every time I forget something I wonder... as you said, I don't "worry" about it all the time but it does cross my mind.
ReplyDeleteTake care, Barb
Barb,
DeleteWe need to stay "light" about maybe yes, maybe no since there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Worrying will never change what is to be. I'll keep fingers and toes crossed foe both of us. Hugs, Lisa
That can be scary. I keep mumbling "information overload" at times. There is a limit to what we can remember. The brain can only stretch just so much, and then some things get lost. And sometimes it's like your story. You're right and someone else caused the foul up.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteI get scared all the time. Supposedly my mom's form of dementia is one of the few that is not hereditary, but I can't help but to panic when someone's name slips my mind or I walk to the kitchen cupboard and open it only to forget what I'm there for!
ReplyDeleteHi Cassandra, What I wrote was not trying to upset anyone just some passing thoughts that I guess we "all" have from time to time. I'm sorry if I did upset you. Hugs, Lisa
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