HOW IS YOUR MOM DOING ?
This is mom 24 years ago. A lot has changed since then. My dad is deceased for 20 years and my son Logan is now 26 years old. Mom lives in a nursing home and we recently celebrated her 90th birthday. Except for Alzheimer's and macular degeneration she takes no medication and is in perfect health.
My family has lots to celebrate and be thankful for. There is one question that I frequently am asked which is "how is your mom doing?" I often answer,"my mom is doing good considering that she has Alzheimer's for the last ten years."
Several weeks ago I stopped to really think about how I just answered this question. My thoughts traveled to thinking about mom, a lady who has no idea about where she is living, or what she just ate.
She does not know that she should get dressed each day,and better yet. she does not have to wonder about what to wear.
She's doing good even if she is not aware of what day it is, the month, nor the year. She has no idea what has transpired in the world. She has no fear of Ebola or terrorism.
She does not understand that her only grandchild has become engaged. In fact she does not really remember that she has a grandchild.
She no longer needs to think about what friend she might like to spend the day with, or what movie she would like to go see. She no longer has to make any decisions on whether she'd like to take a walk in the park, stroll on the beach, or go to her favorite museum.
She does not remember that she was married for 50 years to my father, nor does not remember giving birth to her two children or, at moments, even that she has any.
Yes mom is doing good and she never has to decide on where she'd like to go on vacation or what country she'd like to travel to. Life for her has certainly become "carefree".
So my answer to this question "how is your mom doing?" It will remain the same, for considering what is left in mom's world at least I can believe that she is happy. Happy for she is not aware of a world that exists outside of the four walls that she now resides in.
Mom has no understanding of how her life has been wiped away by such a horrible disease. So how is my mom doing? She'd doing good, and how am I doing? I'm also doing good, which is a conscious choice that I have made.
I can be happy or I can be sad. I choose to be happy. Happy that mom is not aware of what is happening to her.
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May God Bless You! A wonderful outlook on life and perspective. Thanks for sharing your light :)
ReplyDelete...and I thank you for taking the time to reach out to me .It means a lot. Lisa
DeleteBeautifully written. You definetely struck a chord for me as im sure for many others who are or have lived through this with,a loved one. You have answered the question"how is you mom" for all of us who had no idea on how to even begin. This is exactly how i feel and you couldnt have said it better. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI feel like at this moment that I can cry for all of us. Your words mean so very much to me.
DeleteI can't feel what you do wish I could but my mum has missed out on so many special times in her life through this illness my nieces wedding whom she adored just to name one.i m blessed to have my mum to hold kiss smell but that's for me.My mum was and always will be more important than me.hugs glad you can feel the way you do x
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your pain. I also have those feelings from time to time yet to get through this journey with mom I have been able to see the "brighter" side. I shared my feelings recently in a post of how I could not share with mom about her grandson getting married and how sad I felt. That one really hurt. We are all human filled with different emotions. Hugs to you and mum, Lisa
DeleteI visit my mom nearly everyday and I know she would hate her life as it is now.Don't understand how you can feel this way.Hope my comment does not offend you,I just can not understand your way of thinking. Its about your mom not YOU
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous, I greatly appreciate your honesty and I do not feel offended. We are all human and do not all think or feel the same. Yes for me it's about myself and my mom for we are both on this journey together. I also believe that in many ways this disease can be harder on the family , I wish you peace. Lisa
DeleteYour blogs are all from your prospective, try having empathy and post how you think your mama would feel,also why do people have to pay for your book,when you blog for free.one upset daughter who is with their mama everyday and every step of the way.Use your blogs to make a true difference by getting real and understanding the day to day of Alzheimer's.you can make a difference if you try
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you seem so angry. #1 my blogs have made a difference with many people. I share my personal feelings of how I feel,not telling others how to feel. I give a % of my profits on my book to Alzheimer's and I also make donations. I do not understand you bitterness about this. I hope that you can also feel some joy.
DeleteOh Lisa, I know exactly how you feel! Before a heart attack took my father, his life was truly care free. It was exactly as you said - he did not need to worry about evil in the world. He was loved. He was cared for. He thought everything we did for him was the nicest thing in the world, even if he thought we hadn't fed him because he didn't remember. Your mom is such a beautiful lady. Your love for her is so touching.
ReplyDeleteSharon I am so sorry about your dad and I thank you for sharing your feelings. I wish more people could feel like you and me. Feeling thankful is a nicer place to come from so we can stay in the moment.Sending hugs your way. Lisa
DeleteHi Lisa
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love how you described your answer to the hardest question any of us get when we have a parent with this horrible disease. No one really wants to know the day to day decline and I really do not understand some peoples hostility towards your entry. The only way for family is to know that really the person affected is not fully aware of how bad things are. This thought makes it easier to deal with because this illness is truly harder on the loved ones then it is on the ones affected. Keep up the good work because even though my Mom passed away 8 months ago I look forward to your posts and forever will be involved in trying to make this a world free of this illness. Hugs Carol
Dear Carol, I cannot understand some of the "hostile" criticism that you described. I chose not to delete any of the posts for everyone has their own feelings to deal with .Yet I have gotten so many positive comments on FB from many other caregivers. I do not preach anything only share my own feelings. You area very special lady and friend. I know that your mom was very proud of you. Mucho hugs, Lisa
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