SHOULD I FEEL HONORED TO BE CALLED MOM'S MOM?
Several months ago on my birthday I awoke with a strong yearning to speak to my mother. I was feeling as if I just wanted her to hold me as she once did when I was a small child. There was a feeling of emptiness knowing that this was no longer possible, yet I still just wanted to hear her voice.
I phoned the nursing home and spoke to the head of nursing and asked her if she would tell mom that it was my birthday. She brought mom to the phone and after she sang two words of Happy Birthday to me she just dropped the phone. Mom then told the nurse that I was her "mother" not her daughter.
My mother no longer wants to speak on the telephone and has trouble putting it next to her ear. She finds it too confusing and can no longer understand where my voice is coming from. I realize, again, how her world keeps shrinking more and more each day.
I have heard mom mix up words before so calling me her mother did not upset me. Maybe just the opposite for I know how much she loved and adored her own mother.
Life can be strange for there was a time when mom would call me once a week. She would share that she was calling because she did not hear from me and was worried. I remember feeling annoyed, even rolling my eyes, and telling her that I had not called because I was very busy; back then all I really wanted to do was just rush her off the phone.
What wouldn't I give to just to hear her phone me. Who would ever have thought that this disease, known as Alzheimer's, could invade her world and sweep it away as if it never existed?
In many ways I have become the parent and my mom has become the child. A child that needs to be taken care of and, sadly enough, a child that will never grow up.
Mom keeps reverting backwards into a world that one day will no longer exist. I now know that with this disease our roles reverse and somehow the past becomes the present.
So my sweet mom you can call me your mother whenever you wish, and I will always feel honored.
MY MOM MY HERO - A mother & daughters new found love. http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454248406&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch
When my father lived with us, yes, it was like being his parent.
ReplyDeleteYeah toward the end of disease my dad called my mom his mother and me his little girl going to Grammer school with know children he had a grandson but did not see him being with me
ReplyDeleteSharon thanks for sharing. Happy Holidays.
DeleteLisa, a wonderful post. I can relate to it so much --my relationship with my mom is very similar now. I am the parent, she is the child. I will take a page from your playbook; some days I'm sad about our reality and don't have enough patience. Your blog is very helpful. Thank you, and all the best to you and your mom.
ReplyDeleteDeb thank you so much and please know that I am here for you. We walk a similar path in this journey. I am also saddened about your mom all the other mom's & dads.
DeleteI too can so relate ...my Mom was diagnosed 16 years ago and we have run the gamut since then. Relationships changing daily ...sometimes I am her Mom, sometimes her sister, sometimes her sweet little boy (?) and once in awhile, her daughter Colleen. When the names are accompanied with a smile, it makes no difference who she thinks I am :)
ReplyDeleteYour mom and my mom have Alzheimer's for a long time. My mom has it for at least 14 years. Some people pass away rather quickly .Curious how is your mom now? Still speaking? walking? Would love to hear. Hugs to you & mom.
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