MOM, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
I will be celebrating my birthday on Thursday July 12th and I, who never made a big deal about this day, now feel differently. I find it sad that the woman who gave birth to me has no memory of this day, or in fact, any other day. Mom for the last fourteen years has been suffering from Alzheimer's.
The sorrowful part is that each year as I get older I loose a little bit more of her. Having a child of my own I cannot imagine that I might one day not remember bringing him into the world; or perhaps that I even had a child. How could a disease like this invade one's mind and destroy a life that once was? This thought sends shock waves and chills through my entire body.
Alzheimer's is a rotten disease yet mom has been one of the more "fortunate" ones. The disease has not left her agitated and she seems to have opened her heart to more love. It is I, who feels the effects of the disease.
In mom's mind she still remembers me (and my brother) as a young child. Her mind has traveled back in time to thinking she still lives with her parents. A place and time for her that she once felt safe, loved and secure. Everything else has pretty much disappeared, so how could she in her mind now have a daughter all grown up? It's almost as if time has stood still.
Forgetting my birthday is the easy part, it's when I think about how she now lives and all the things she can no longer do, that I get upset. The simple things like getting out of bed each morning, feeding herself, getting dressed, combing her hair or brushing her teeth. These are things she no longer can do, yet I do them each morning maybe taking "life" for granted.
Mom does not realize how different her life has become because she has no memory of what her life once was. For her this is a "blessing", and for me it is being able to "accept" how things now are.
So mom, whether you can remember holding me in your arms as I took my first breath or tying my shoes as the laces came undone; this no longer matters. As long as you are not in pain and seem to be "relatively" content then I guess for now, as I blow out my birthday candles, there is not too much more that I could wish for.
I love you mom and will always be grateful that you are the mom who for many years put candles in my cakes; and as the years went by, you watched me grow up into a young lady, get married and have a child of my own.
I will be celebrating my birthday on Thursday July 12th and I, who never made a big deal about this day, now feel differently. I find it sad that the woman who gave birth to me has no memory of this day, or in fact, any other day. Mom for the last fourteen years has been suffering from Alzheimer's.
The sorrowful part is that each year as I get older I loose a little bit more of her. Having a child of my own I cannot imagine that I might one day not remember bringing him into the world; or perhaps that I even had a child. How could a disease like this invade one's mind and destroy a life that once was? This thought sends shock waves and chills through my entire body.
Alzheimer's is a rotten disease yet mom has been one of the more "fortunate" ones. The disease has not left her agitated and she seems to have opened her heart to more love. It is I, who feels the effects of the disease.
In mom's mind she still remembers me (and my brother) as a young child. Her mind has traveled back in time to thinking she still lives with her parents. A place and time for her that she once felt safe, loved and secure. Everything else has pretty much disappeared, so how could she in her mind now have a daughter all grown up? It's almost as if time has stood still.
Forgetting my birthday is the easy part, it's when I think about how she now lives and all the things she can no longer do, that I get upset. The simple things like getting out of bed each morning, feeding herself, getting dressed, combing her hair or brushing her teeth. These are things she no longer can do, yet I do them each morning maybe taking "life" for granted.
Mom does not realize how different her life has become because she has no memory of what her life once was. For her this is a "blessing", and for me it is being able to "accept" how things now are.
So mom, whether you can remember holding me in your arms as I took my first breath or tying my shoes as the laces came undone; this no longer matters. As long as you are not in pain and seem to be "relatively" content then I guess for now, as I blow out my birthday candles, there is not too much more that I could wish for.
I love you mom and will always be grateful that you are the mom who for many years put candles in my cakes; and as the years went by, you watched me grow up into a young lady, get married and have a child of my own.
I cannot thank my parents enough for bringing me into this world and for all the love that they gave me. I know that if mom could find the words she would surely wish me a Happy Birthday and share with me how very much she loves me. If only she could remember.
"Letter To My Mom" & My Mom My Hero are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch
"Letter To My Mom" & My Mom My Hero are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch
Sad
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Lisa!
Thank you my sweet dear friend .��♀️
DeleteWell, here's a wish for as lovely a day as possible!
ReplyDelete💗🌸💗
DeleteI was a long distance caregiver like you. I visited my Mom in Arizona on my 60th Birthday. She understood the idea that it was a celebration (just a simple family lunch with some presents) but I doubt she really understood the significance. During the week I was with her I would bring it up and then her personality would come through. She would fret that she didn’t have a present for me and I had to remind her that she made me a card and told my brother what to get me and he picked it up and had it wrapped from her. She was comforted by that. She always wanted to make birthdays and Christmas special. My trip to visit then was spontaneous and it would be the last time I saw her alive. When I returned 3 months later we arrived late at night and woke to a call that she had passed early that morning. I hold a warm memory of the time we were walking and she said “You are so good to me, I wish you were my daughter” and I told her she was in luck because I was her daughter. She responded with joy and asked what she had done to get so lucky.
ReplyDeleteI am more than touched by what you have shared. I am also so sorry that you loss your mom. Sending you some big strong hugs. Lisa
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