WILL I CELEBRATE MOM'S BIRTHDAY?

WILL I CELEBRATE MOM"S BIRTHDAY?

My mom will be turning 95 years old on August 24th and I do not understand how or why she is still alive. She sits with her eyes shut closed, occasionally nodding her head, while weighing only 81 lbs.  I wonder is it that her constitution is so strong, or as the nurses say, "it's not yet g-ds will". I am not a religious person yet I if g-d has anything to do with this I find it terribly troubling that anyone in my mother’s state would still be alive.

This past winter after spending time with her for several months, my family and I were certain that she would pass away within a few months. We are now 5 months later, and it is heart wrenching  thinking of her nonexistence. I pray that she is not suffering.

Unfortunately, the nursing home, aware of moms no intake of food, has increased her daily supplement from one time a day to three times a day and also added an extra protein. This of course will not keep mom alive, yet it is slowing down her departure. After questioning the staff, we were told that by Florida state law they had to provide an oral nutrient as long as my mother would still take it. 

They might have felt this was humane yet we felt that it was quite inhumane, especially since my mother literally spelt out her wishes; stating that if she had an incurable brain disease that she did not want …..etc. It's tragic that I was able to be kinder to my dogs so they could have as little suffering as possible while reaching the end of their lives.

I have recently been invited to two birthday celebrations this year. One is a dear friend’s mother who just turned 90 and the others mother will be 100. I realize how fortunate they both are and if my mom were in their health, I would wish for her to live "forever". Unfortunately and sadly enough, this is not my mother's situation.

So, as my mother's birthday approaches I can celebrate the life she once had, yet I can no longer wish her a happy birthday.



"Letter To My Mom" & My Mom My Hero are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch

MY MOM

My Mom

It's been a while since I have shared about my mom. It has been a long journey since she got Alzheimer's; one that I will never forget. These past 14 years have been filled with many different emotions, from unconditional love to friendship and laughter, as well as feeling helpless and an overwhelming sadness.

The picture of mom that I have chosen was taken approximately 7 years ago when she first arrived at the nursing home. It brings me back to a time that mom and I were feeling "happy". The more recent pictures that I have from the last few years, all though touching, can also be upsetting. My son Logan is now 31 years old and has a beard. Six weeks ago he became a father for the first time to the sweetest baby boy.

I profoundly remember my mother sharing with me after my son Logan was born how much and how deep her love for him was. I never truly understood that until now.
It's absolutely amazing how much love I now feel for my own grandchild. How I wish that I could share this with her and tell her that she is a "great"grandmother.

Sadly enough she is not aware of this or,"most likely",anything at all.. I use the word "most likely" since in my heart when I hold her hand, kiss her face and tell her how much I love her I believe (or want to believe) that she knows it's me. The nurses have shared this joyful news with her and with her eyes shut closed she just nods her head.

For quite some time now her eyes remain closed. She barely eats anything and seems to be "surviving" on 3 protein drinks and supplements that the nursing home gives her. Something that they are not willing to stop given the laws of Florida. Mom now weighs 82 pounds and is on hospice. The nurse tells me that she is slowly declining and, it is all in g-ds hands. I am not a religious person, so I am not sure whose hands it's in, yet somehow my mother has a very strong constitution.

Mom will turn 95 years old on August 24th of this year. My wish for her, which is something I have wished for quite a few months, is for her to peacefully go to sleep. Truthfully, this would be the best gift that I could give her. I love my mom dearly yet the life she has been living is no way for anyone to live.

Nursing homes, regardless of someone's wishes, will do whatever they legally can to keep the patient alive. It's sad and, after feeling so helpless for some time, now I think that I have just become "accepting" to the whole situation.

Today I just wanted to touch base with all my wonderful supportive friends that I have made over the last nine years in the world of Dementia. Each of our lives have been touched in many different ways but the one thing that we all have in common and share is the understanding of what this horrific disease is all about.


Sending all of you a big warm hug and thank you for always being there.




"Letter To My Mom" & My Mom My Hero are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch

 

MOM, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

 MOM, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

I will be celebrating my birthday on Thursday July 12th and I, who never made a big deal about this day, now feel differently. I find it sad that the woman who gave birth to me has no memory of this day, or in fact, any other day. Mom for the last fourteen years has been suffering from Alzheimer's.

The sorrowful part is that each year as I get older I loose a little bit more of her. Having a child of my own I cannot imagine that I might one day not remember bringing him into the world; or perhaps that I even had a child.  How could a disease like this invade one's mind and destroy a life that once was? This thought sends shock waves and chills through my entire body.

Alzheimer's is a rotten disease yet mom has been one of the more "fortunate" ones. The disease has not left her agitated and she seems to have opened her heart to more love. It is I, who feels the effects of the disease.

In mom's mind she still remembers me (and my brother) as a young child. Her mind has traveled back in time to thinking she still lives with her parents. A place and time for her that she once felt safe, loved and secure. Everything else has pretty much disappeared, so how could she in her mind now have a daughter all grown up? It's almost as if time has stood still.

Forgetting my birthday is the easy part, it's when I think about how she now lives and all the things she can no longer do, that I get upset. The simple things like getting out of bed each morning, feeding herself, getting dressed, combing her hair or brushing her teeth. These are things she no longer can do, yet I do them each morning maybe taking "life" for granted.

Mom does not realize how different her life has become because she has no memory of what her life once was. For her this is a "blessing", and for me it is being able to "accept" how things now are.

So mom, whether you can remember holding me in your arms as I took my first breath or tying my shoes as the laces came undone; this no longer matters. As long as you are not in pain and seem to be "relatively" content then I guess for now, as I blow out my birthday candles, there is not too much more that I could wish for.

I love you mom and will always be grateful that you are the mom who for many years put candles in my cakes; and as the years went by, you watched me grow up into a young lady, get married and have a child of my own.

I cannot thank my parents enough for bringing me into this world and for all the love that they gave me. I know that if mom could find the words she would surely wish me a Happy Birthday and share with me how very much she loves me. If only she could remember.


"Letter To My Mom" & My Mom My Hero are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch