YESTERDAY AND TODAY
Let me start with yesterday's phone call with my mom. It felt special because my mom gave me her words of wisdom about her grandson.
I had shared with Ruthie that we were all going to my husbands cousins daughter's wedding. I told mom that Logan was bringing his girlfriend ,which was so nice because he has wanted her to meet some of his family. I had mentioned, that Logan had wanted to bring her to another family wedding, and was not able to, because the bride was limited on the amount of guests.
I then shared with my mom that on Thursday, Logan was going with his girlfriend to Paris, Barcelona and Madrid for two weeks. I find this exciting and mom replied "that's really nice".My next comment was "mom, Logan says that they are not serious, what do you think"? My mom who doesn't remember my husband of thirty years, nor any of his family, at the age of (almost)87 years old with Alzheimer's say to me, "well maybe Logan isn't sure what he wants".
Wow, what a great answer. I laugh and say "mom you are pretty amazing with all your wisdom" and my mom then says "thank you that's very nice what you just said to me". A big smile comes across my face.You have to understand all the things my mom can no longer do or remember so when she says something like this, where her mind is still so sharp it sends thrills (not chills) up my body. How special this is to me.
Today's phone call left me more in thought and maybe feeling a little sad. Today my mom sounded not so perky and when I shared about yesterday going to the wedding, and Logan and his trip to Europe, my mom had very little enthusiam in her voice. She seemed distant and not to really care.
Logan is her one and only grandson and I know how much she adores him. I then tell my mom that Logan wants to come with me when I come back to visit her. Mom asks me when, and I answer, in a few months. I then share with her that Logan was there less then a year ago ,and that it is not always easy for him to get away. My mom then says to me , Lisa I really don't remember anything. She definately had a sadness to her voice. I tried to make her laugh and this time I did not succeed. Even when we were going to hang up and I asked her to throw me kisses( like we always do) there was little response.
My head went into the thoughts of my husbands uncle(who we just saw at the wedding)who at the age of 88 is still driving and going all over.
I felt a pang in my heart and a sadness for my mom. Then I thought of how my husband's mother had passed away when he was 18 years old, and once again felt thankful that I still have my mom. This is where I need to stay for as her disease progresses it will probably get worse for her and me.
Gratitude that is where I must stay. Thankful for all that we still do have, and not for what my mom does not have anymore. Another life's lesson.
There is a sweet lady at the nursing home that sits on the sofa by Mom when I visit sometimes. She resembles your mom and she always has a smile on her face. She'll listen in to our conversation, which is usually about lost hearing aides. And she'll smile and nod her head up and down. One day when we finished the conversation she said, "Now, isn't that nice that it all worked out." I thought wow she took all that in. And I said, "What is nice?" She replied, "What you all just said, isn't it nice it worked out." "What is nice?" "Everything you were talking about, it all worked out." Then I realized she had no idea what we were talking about it was her way of validating that allw as right in the world. Now when she walks up and gives a positive comment, I never question it. I just accept that she's in a positive frame of mind and my Mom stays in a depressed frame of mind. I'd choose the earlier frame to the real one at this point in time.
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