THE FINAL CHAPTER
For the last fourteen years I have witnessed my mother slowly
disappearing from Alzheimer’s. With a heavy heart I go through the process of
grieving and realize that through my writings I have begun to heal myself.
Is it possible for me to share all the feelings that are so
deeply embedded within my soul?This past January my husband and I were in Florida where mom resides (in a nursing home) to spend every day with her. In the past four years, each January, we witnessed mom transform day by day as she became more aware of the world around her.
I had realized that mom would not be like last year yet I could never have imagined that from a bad cold, her world and mine would shatter.
I mainly sat by her side, held her hand, stroked her face
and told her how much I loved her. Mom has now entered into in the last stages
of Alzheimer’s. How I wish that I could have her peacefully go to sleep;
instead of what could take many months or years for her to say goodbye.
Her words are now seldom, her eyes mostly shut closed. Her
walking around the nursing home has come to a halt for she no longer has the
will nor energy to carry on.
She occasionally opens her eyes and, once in a while, she
would smile. I was able to steal a few kisses yet even the sound of music that once
delighted her, could not bring forth any signs of joy.
Witnessing her withdraw from the world was quite painful. As
my thoughts surfaced I took to pen and paper to share my most inner deep
feelings. My prayers were not answered as I had prayed for her to pass away. I
knew that mom would never want to exist like this. I also wanted to take away
the pain I was feeling, knowing that there could be no recovery. I question why my mom got sick while I was here? Why couldn’t we have been able to share some special moments like we had done in previous years? Couldn’t she have waited to after I left? How silly of me to even think this way. I know no one gets to choose when or where.
MY MOM MY HERO - A mother & daughters new found love. http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454248406&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch
Lisa, I have to wipe away my tears reading the final chapter and send you warm thoughts and prayers for your healing. Our loved ones teach us many lessons but this one teaches us the depth of our capacity for sadness and grief, something no one learns unless they experience loving someone with dementia. I just took my husband home from his first hospital 3 day stay due to severe anemia. Many doctors told me how they do not treat some serious issues because of dementia so if it's cancer they may not treat. Another lesson learned filled with heartbreak and sadness. We watched my husbands mother with her eyes closed lie in bed in a nursing home for more than two years and the aides would reassure us that she was not sleeping and there was no better time of day to visit. Lisa, I know you will endure and your memories and special moments with your
ReplyDeletemom will last forever. Blessings to you!
R
Ruth, you now just brought tears to my eyes with your words of support, kindness and sharing your experiences on the different journeys you have been on. My prayers are with you and your husband. Hugs, Lisa
DeleteI've been following your journey these 14 years. Seeing the words "final chapter" hit me harder than I could have imagined. My heart hurts all over again from my own loss, and I empathize with you. Praying for peace and comfort.
ReplyDeleteKathie, I am so sorry that what I have expressed opened up to you such pain. I just want to reach out to you and give you a strong big hug. Lisa
DeleteThere are no words to express the profound sadness so many of us are going through. We remember the past and grieve the present, we grieve our husbands, wives, parents, brothers and sisters. We all watch helplessly as this disease takes from us all. And yet we go on, putting aside our sorrows as we care for those we love.
ReplyDeleteFay so beautifully said. Thank you.
DeleteDear Lisa. My heart breaks for you. I have been watching from FB. Over the last six months or so. I have lived this losing my husband of. 31 years in November. He had the same walker and Geri chair that your mom is in. This disease is so unfair and something needs to be done to prevent or cure it.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was in anomie 66 miles from our home and the best decision I ever made was to bring him home after three weeks on hospice. He passed in our living room with us by his side and five days prior he knew us and that he was home. God bless you and your mom. ��
Sorry for the typos. He was in a home 66 miles from our home.
DeleteVirginia I am so sorry about your husband. I cannot even imagine what you & your family went through. Thirty one years to be married is special. I hope that you can reflect on the good times. Sending you some big strong hugs, Lisa
DeleteHugs my dear friend. I remember your parents as young vibrant friendly parents from the time we were children.
ReplyDeletexoxo
DeleteWell written. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my dad to dementia a little over a year ago. It may be too much for you right now, but I released a book last week about my family's own journey through dementia. While there is, of course, sadness in it given how hard the disease is to cope with, I tried really hard to find the humor in it, too. If and when you're ever ready to say, "Me, too!" check out the book. If not, that's okay, too. Just know a stranger out here knows how you're feeling and sending you support. https://emilypageart.net/2017/03/02/fractured-memories-because-demented-people-need-love-too/
ReplyDeleteEmily, so sorry about your dad. It's great that you wrote about your families journey . Writing is so healing. Look forward to "checking" your book out.
DeleteLisa, I have followed the journey you have been on with your mother. Sadly I was on my own with my wonderful mom. In the end like this, you are torn between not wanting them to leave you, and gently telling them it's okay to go because you don't want this for them a second longer. My mom passed in October. Although I have loved who she was through every stage, I have been grieving for her for a long time. I miss her terribly. Pray for peace, pray for strength, and believe and know that she will never truly leave you. Never. God bless you all.
ReplyDeleteAlison so eloquently said. I am quite sorry to hear about your mom. I know you understand. xoxo Lisa
DeleteI just bursted out in tears. I too am living through this with my mom. It is so painful to see her just decline. She knows too, as she asked me " where did Marilyn go"? My thoughts and prayers are with you and please find peace that you were there to comfort her when she got sick, and that is a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteMy heart feels your pain. I also will keep you & your mom(Marilyn) in my prayers. Please know that I am here for you. Hugs, Lisa
Deleteno words, lisa -
ReplyDeletethey've been lived - you brought them to life for others -
i do not share this disease in my family, but others - and i remember so much. there is no end of memories. life goes on within - l'chaim to you all -
Bev thank you so much for your support. Hugs, Lisa
DeleteReading your final chapters and wondering how am I going to cope with the loss, though at times I wish my mum could leave this world soon without having to deal with the pain of her memory loss. She seems to be in suicidal mode now each time she lapse into complete blank. I try not to freak out and pray that God will watch over her when I am not.
ReplyDeleteSwift, I am sorry that your mum seems frightened as well as depressed with the words of suicide. Maybe you can speak to her doctor for medical advice and put her on antidepressant. Lisa
DeleteMy Dear Lisa
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear that you are now in this process of losing your Mom. It brought back a flood of memories from when Mom passed away but compared to you I only needed to deal with this part, for 5 of the longest days of my life. It may sound weird but I started writing what I was going to say at her funeral during that time, because she was there to help guide me. This is also the time you and your brother need to tell her it is OK to go because deep down she knows you are there and is protecting you.She needs to know you will be OK as hard as it will be for you. You will never stop missing her and there will be times that all you need is just a mothers hug. I know that she will always look after you whether from here or from heaven. My Mom and Dad where watching over me this week because they sent a nurse to give me my first chemo that was a angel sent straight from heaven to take all my fears away and I know it was there way of saying they were there with me. So Lisa she will always be there with you just in a different form. It takes getting used to but you do learn to live with the new form and are happy when you think how happy she is in heaven with your Dad. I wish I could do more for you. just know I am sending you a big hug and if you need to talk just let me know. Sending all my hugs and love to you and your Mom. Carol
Carol my sweetest friend, please I only wish and hope the very best for you with your treatment. You are in my heart & prayers. Always here for you. Sending some strong hugs & kisses your way. Lisa
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