THINGS I NEVER WISH TO FORGET

THINGS I NEVER WISH TO FORGET

I get a warm fussy feeling inside as I look at the many pictures I have of my mother and family. They bring back so many memories of when we were all much younger. I remember each one vividly as if it was just yesterday. I find it difficult not to reflect on how quickly all of our lives go by.

Seeing certain photos brings back the years my mother and I had our ups and downs. Our relationship completely healed fourteen years ago after she became ill. Alzheimer's was the culprit yet because of it our relationship took on a whole new meaning. What transpired was this new undeniable, unconditional love I felt for her.

Sadly today, although mom is still alive, everything is so different. Her spirit has vanished as well as her memory. For a lady who was once whole, she is now withered away to almost little existence. She spends most of her waking hours sleeping and in the hours she is awake her world remains empty. Life, her family and the world no longer have meaning for her.

How I wish to turn back the clock for a few minutes and let my mind wander as I remember all the lovely things we once shared. The joy of my graduation in school, my marriage, the birth of my son, his graduation, his marriage and the list goes on. The trip we all took to DisneyWorld in Orlando after my dad passed away. I remember how mom loved to read and adored to travel.My parents went to Mexico, Israel and then Italy where they celebrated their 50th Anniversary. Mom loved going to museums, antiquing, theater & movies. One of my fondest memories as a child was going with my parents to visit the Statue of Liberty and Franklin D Roosevelts home in Hyde Park, N.Y.

I can still envision her smiles, her laughter and the simple little things that once gave
her pleasure. These were moments that I unfortunately just took for granted. I did not give her space  to be who she really was. Instead I focused on the negative things. I lost time not loving her for who she was. Fortunately, today my heart is only filled with deep love for her.

It's interesting for several years ago a close friend said to me that maybe my mom was always loving and I just did not see it. Now not only do I see it, I also cherish it. For these things; her smile, her warmth, her tears, her words of encouragement, her laughter are all things I pray I never will forget.

I love this little lady so deeply from the bottom of my heart!



"Letter To My Mom" & "My Mom My Hero" are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch

 

LETTER TO MY MOM

Letter To My Mom                                                      

Mom, as I sit down to write my letter I wonder how I can possibly start to share all my feelings with you. So much has changed since you developed Alzheimer’s over 14 years ago. As I gather my thoughts I realize that you will not be able to comprehend most of what I say.

As a teenager I loved you, yet somehow I wanted one of my friend’s mothers to be my mother. Then, after you became ill I fell so deeply in love with you. An unconditional love was born and since then you have inspired me each and every day.

I’m not really sure why my sentiments changed so drastically, I just know that I was given a second chance to feel a deep love and appreciation for you. As I reflect back through these years you have inspired me and have become my hero. Your humor, your smiles, your sweetness through these difficult years have melted my heart.

Before entering the nursing home over five years ago, I spoke to you every single day. We ended each call throwing each other our kisses. I have continued to phone the nursing home only wanting to hear how you are doing. Earlier on you would take my calls and most of the time you say hello, and after a minute you just drop the phone. You did not even realize that I called or recognize the sound of my voice.

Mom, I am also a mother. My son, your only grandchild is 30 years old. You adored him and yet today you no longer remember who he is. There have been times that you think you have seven children and days when you think you have none. As a mother I cannot envision that one day I might also not know that I have a child. 

I find it hard to believe that a disease like this can wipe away your whole world as if it never existed, leaving your mind a blank canvas. Daddy passed away almost twenty four years ago and I do not believe that you have much recollection of him. I’m actually happy that he is no longer alive. I cannot imagine the pain he would have endured watching you fade away.

Today, in your world, I would have to help you brush your teeth, comb your hair, eat your food and get dressed. As a child you once did all of this for me, as well as comforting me when I was sick, or perhaps feeling a little blue.  Yet with everything that has changed, at least I know that we still have each other to share our love.

What has changed is that our roles have reversed. Now it is my turn to care for you as you once cared for me. The truth is mom that no matter whatever you can or cannot do, I am still your daughter and you will always be my mother.

Life is strange; for out of you becoming ill I have discovered a whole new world. I was given a second chance to love you unconditionally.  You have opened my heart to such a deep compassionate love. Mom as I end my letter, I just want to share with you, how very much I adore you. I feel honored and I am so proud that you are my mother.

 Your one and only daughter,

Lisa

"Letter To My Mom" & "My Mom My Hero" are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio & Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

Today is August 24th, 2011.  It is a very special day in more ways than one. I am so excited because today my mom turns 87 years "young." When I shared this with Ruthie, she replied " 87 years old, wow,I'm that old? " "Yes mom" I answered.  My mom then replies, and I quote her "well at least I don't look my age."
And with that we both laugh. My mom does have so much spunk and energy, although I think she does look close to her age. I will certainly not tell her, why spoil her day. If Ruthie thinks she looks young, that's all that matters. You see, my mom's eyesight is failing, because she also has macular degeneration. Something that she never ever mentions or complains about. So mom, I just want to wish you a very, very special birthday and send you all my love and kisses.

Besides it being my mom's birthday there are also threats to Florida that Hurricane Irene is close to hitting them. Yesterday when I spoke to my mom ,besides her having a wonderful day, I also spoke to her caregiver Elaine , who is one in a million.  Elaine shared with me two things. One, that she was going to get a cake and come back over to visit my mom when my brother Gil was also visiting . Two ,that she told me that if the hurricane was going to hit that she will stay over at my mom's house since she did not want my mom to be all alone. You see Elaine only is with my mom 4-5 hours a day. What a special lady Elaine is for offering this, no one even asked this of her. She and her daughter Trudy take wondeful care of my mom .We are so lucky to have them.

Elaine puts my mom back on the telephone and I share with my mom what Elaine just said and my mom repeats everything that I say to Elaine. I find it so cute and I then tell my mom that Elaine is so nice to her because she(my mom) is so nice and gives Elaine no trouble. We both laugh and sure enough she repeats what I just said once again to Elaine.  My mom than says to me "Lisa you are a doll and I love you so much." "Mom you're going to make me cry." My mom then says, "please don't cry" and I answer, "mom, they would be tears of joy." After we hang up my heart feels like it could explode for how much love I feel for her.

Too think that before my mom got Alzheimer's, there were moments when we fought and did not get along. Sometimes, for a quick second I did not care if we saw each other again. And today all I want to do is hold on to her, love her and cherish every second that she still knows my name and who I am. Ruthie, my mom is to me one special lady.

So mom I dedicate to you all my love and wish that all my writings about you and our relationship are able to touch other people, just like you have touched me. And mom, once again Happy, Happy Birthday.
xoxo
Lisa


Fact- Every 69 seconds someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Please help us spread awareness around the planet about this disease.

WHAT"S MY DAUGHTER'S NAME ?

WHAT'S MY DAUGHTER'S NAME?

 I want to stay upbeat and positive, although as I write this post, I am honestly feeling a little scared and upset. I just spoke to my brother on the telephone. I called to share with him what my mother had said yesterday to me. Or should I say what she did not say. It certainly left me feeling a little bewildered and with a heavy heart.

As my mom answered the phone I greeted her with a perky hello. "Hi mom and how are you feeling today?"She answered, "just fine sweetie,"which  immediately put a big smile on my face and much joy in my heart. I excitedly told mom, how I just met another girl named Lisa Elian. Please let me explain; Elian is my maiden name, and an unusual one at that. I did not bother to tell mom that I met her on Facebook or that she lived in Austria, which is where my dad's father was from. Maybe we are related? I did share this part with my mom.

Ruthie laughed out loud and said "really, that's very funny because my name is Lisa Elian." Did I just hear my mom correctly or was I hearing things? "Mom, I though your name was Ruth,"and she answered "no I have two names, Lisa & Ruth.""Well mom, who am I?" Ruthie then answered , "I'm not sure who I am speaking to." Was I hearing things? Mom had just called me sweetie, after she answered the phone.

"Mom, I'm your daughter and my name is Lisa. Maybe you just want to call yourself Lisa because you love me so much." She laughed, and at that moment, I think she realized her confusion.

We speak a little longer and after I hang up I try to call my brother. He does not answer. I share all this with my husband and I can't help to feel a little shaken up. I am left with the thought of ,what is happening to my mother ?

The next day I finally reach my brother Gil and he agrees that she is getting worse. I called mom again today and this time I ask her if she can spell my name. Mom answers " I don't even know your name.""Mom, not only am I your daughter, you also gave me my name."Can you guess what is my name?" First she says is it Trudy? and then quickly she says Lisa." Very good mom, I think to myself and then I say "what is your name?" Mom, says that it is "Ruth."

So tomorrow when I call, and every day after I will start my calls with, "hi mom its Lisa your daughter," so my mom will be sure to hopefully remember my name.