Last night I awoke from a dream that I only wanted to return to. I desperately tried and yet I could not slide back into it. This dream touched me in such a deep loving way and left me feeling a passion for seeing my parents reuniting. In my dream my father came to visit my mother and I saw him gazing at her with deep love and affection. He mystically returned, yet I do not know from where. Mom was thrilled to see him and at that moment her Alzheimer's seemed to all but disappear. She was in her glory.
I then turned to my father and spoke these words, "Mommy is doing so good since you came back," and at that very moment my eyes opened from my dream. I knew none of this could be true for my father passed away eighteen years ago. It is so rare that I ever dream of either of them. Yet this dream left me lying in bed with a strong feeling of peacefulness and warmth. It also left me with sentimental memories of my childhood.
When I awoke in the morning I felt all my love emanating from my soul for my parents. A yearning to be a child again and wanting to feel the security in both their arms. Later that morning after I had spoken to my mother I was left with an overwhelming saddness. When I phoned, I heard her question Trudy her cargiver, who Lisa was. Trudy, answered "your daughter." I shared with her that she was my mother and that she was the one who had given me my birth name, of Elissa Robin . Mom then said, "that is a very beautiful name."
I found that what I was left with was to reflect on my childhood, my parents and thinking of my own mortality. As the day moved on I felt myself feeling lighter and once again, I was able to be grateful for all the love that my mom and I still can share. My childhood was many moons ago and fortunately for me, my life has continously moved on.
I am so aware of savoring these special times with her, and it is so important for me to live in the moment. I recently heard a quote from Mother Theresa that I just loved,"we cannot do great things, we can do little things with great love." And to this, I say Amen!
A beautiful story. Do you think your Dad is coming for your Mom, and is sending you a signal? I hope not, for your sake, but hope so for your mom. She is lucky to have you, and the special bond and memories to carry you in the next few years.
ReplyDeleteDear D, Funny about your thought with my dad & mom. I actually had a similar thought as I awoke from my dream. It would be quite sad and maybe in some ways a blessing, although I'm not ready to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteLisa, thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteTo Alzheimer Care Giver, I just hope that I am making a difference. Thank you. Lisa
ReplyDeleteBefore my grandma died, she had a dream she was in heaven and saw her mother and father, her brothers and sisters, but not her husband. She awoke crying because she didn't want to come back here, and she worried why she didn't see Papa. She died 2 weeks later with a heart attack. My Mom grieved so badly that I thought she would have a nervous breakdown, and I had to remind her that grandma was 97, 2 months short of 98, and that she wanted to go home to heaven. Eventually Mom got over it and resumed her life. Now she's in dementia, unlike Grandma who was whole until the end, and wants to die.
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