Thursday, April 24, 2014



Many moons ago my mom's world was sunny and bright. It was filled with excitement, love and joy. She had no idea that one day her entire life would vanish, as if it never existed. Truth be told, neither did I, for I had never heard of Alzheimer's.

Even into her later years mom yearned to continue learning. Her passion for knowledge was important to her. She loved to read and through reading, and taking college courses, she continued to stimulate herself.

Today because of this dreadful disease almost everything she learned has disappeared. She has been robbed, even more, by having the memory of her entire life swept away as if it never existed.

My brother just returned to Florida after visiting me in New York. As he was here I continued to place my daily calls to the nursing home. With each call I reminded the nurses that my mother would not be having any family visitors for the next two weeks. I was aware of her being all alone that somehow I was trying to protect her. Yet in her world I'm sure she did not even realize this.

 This realization had me wondering about all the other people who live in a nursing home (especially those with Alzheimer's) and have no family or friends to visit them. Perhaps they are "locked away" without any key to free them from this awful world they now live in.  It is a world entwined and disguised as one.

Although the facility that my mom now lives in has no fancy hallways, activity rooms or bedrooms,  the nurses and aides all seem happy. When I think of the kindness and care that my mother is receiving I feel some sense of security and know this is what is most important.

My heart could easily break in two, if I allowed myself to think how my mom just wanders the hallways alone each day. She seems to be mesmerized, lost in her world not knowing where to go and what to do.

I realize I am fortunate that my mom is still alive. The love I feel for her is deep and pure,  a bond that can never be broken. Each day I lose my mother a little more, yet each day I also get to love her some more.

MY MOM MY HERO is for everyone who loves their mother. Over 150 great reviews.

Available on Amazon & Kindle worldwide.

Friday, April 4, 2014



I once believed that all mothers and daughters were close. This was not necessarily true for mom and me.  During my teenage years we had moved to a new town. Wanting to feel accepted by the other girls was important to me . As my"new"friends came over to my home, I felt embarrassed  as my mother hung around asking them many questions . My friends though didn't seem to mind, for they kept coming back.

Out of my own insecurities this left me with an uncomfortable feeling towards my mother. I know that we loved one another, just that over time it seemed that our personalities clashed more and more. While living on my own I phoned once a week, just so I wouldn't hear her complain about not  hearing from me. 

For many years we had our share of ups and downs. When my dad passed away, amazingly enough my mom and I got along fabulously. Then without warning our disagreements re-emerged. Yet immediately after mom became ill, there was a major shift  in how I felt toward her. In a strange way I was given a second chance to love her unconditionally.

During these last months since mom entered the nursing home, I found myself filled with many different emotions. I often questioned the quality of her life. This in turn brought up feelings about my own mortality.

As her disease progresses, I have wondered if she really knows who I am. Sometimes I think yes and at other times I am not so sure. Then the other day mom described to my brother's fiancĂ©e that her daughter Lisa lived far away in New York City. Mom at that moment had some clarity.  Alzheimer's disease bewilders me. How can one's whole world disappear, and then reappear only to last for a minute?

Recently I have felt some contentment. I no longer wish that mom would peacefully go to sleep. I recognize that I am blessed, for I know that I can still feel the tenderness of her touch and hear the sweetness of her voice. What I do not know, is how long this will last.

While visiting, I witnessed  mom sharing her kisses with all the nurses. I watched and listened as she told them that she loved them. My family is fortunate that my mother is still filled with love and not frustration and anger like some other's who suffer from this disease.

My mom, who I love so deeply, has opened up my heart in many ways. This everlasting love I feel for her is embedded deep into my soul. Today and always she remains my hero.

MY MOM MY HERO is for all the special people in your lives. Over 150 great reviews.

Available on Amazon & Kindle worldwide.