A SPECIAL MOTHER'S DAY

A SPECIAL MOTHER'S DAY


With another Mother’s Day approaching I can only feel blessed that my mom is still alive and still able to know who I am. For me each day begins with phoning her, because I am a long distance caregiver. I look forward to hearing on a good day the tenderness of her voice. Just the other day I asked  if she wanted to speak to me. Her sweet reply was, of course she wanted to speak to me, “ for I am her daughter and she loves me very much.” As she shared these sentiments with me, it brought such warmth to my heart and filled my eyes with tears.

My relationship with my mom was not always like this. It wasn’t until mom became ill with
Alzheimer’s that I felt such a deep unconditional love for her. Somehow my love for her was transformed. I wonder what had changed, was it me, was it mom or perhaps both of us?

Why did it take her getting sick for me to fall in love with her, and to be able to cherish every word  that she speaks to me? I realize that this no longer makes any difference and all that matters to me is that I choose to celebrate my mom, her life and who she is. I am grateful for what we are still able to share, and do not hold on to what has vanished from her life.

The person my mother has become has opened for me a world filled with love and compassion. My mom who, is eighty-eight years old and stands less than five feet tall, has taught me another lesson in life. Lessons that as a teenager or young adult I was not able to totally understand. She has taught me the true meaning of loving a mother. She has inspired me to see the world from a different place and has opened my eyes to embrace a deeper sense of gratitude.

Her strength and courage continue to inspire me each and every day for the last eight years. Today, and all year long, I will be celebrating Mother’s Day. I know deep in my heart  how  my mother has become my hero. No matter what day it is, Mother’s Day or not, I will honor and cherish her and our loving relationship.

I would also like to honor all of the other mother's and wish them a happy Mother's Day.

For every daughter and her mother My Mom My Hero is a book dedicated to the all the special people in our lives. A book that you will cherish. A story of love and relationships. The reviews say "A must read." Available on Amazon & Kindle worldwide.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-A-daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366290667&sr=8-1&keywords=my+mom+my+hero

WAS IT A BEAUTIFUL DAY ?

WAS IT A BEAUTIFUL DAY?

I've been singing this song "oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day".... with my mom for the last several weeks. We have been singing in harmony as we cheerfully sing the lyrics.  Somehow this week turned out to be filled with curves and hills as we traveled through the valley together.

One morning when mom's caregiver arrived, she found mom complaining about back pains and that she had removed all the towels from her closet, as well as leaving her bedroom in shambles. Mom was rambling on and not making much sense. We have become experienced enough to know that this was the start of a UTI( urinary tract infection).The first time it happened we were not aware of how common it was with Alzheimer patients. Mom was hallucinating.

It's hard to believe that an infection could cause such reactions. At that time my brother and I was sure that mom was needing to be moved into a nursing home. Luckily it was only the infection that caused such delusions. Based on our experience we are now aware of the symptons, so we immediately put her on an antibiotic.

The same night I recieved a rather alarming phone call from the fire department. A wonderful fireman called Mike was at my mother's home. One of her neighbors sited mom wandering and called 911. How could this be when mom was suppose to be with her caregiver? Mike the fireman found her sitting oustside on the curb. He said that mom was fine although she was disoriented when he found her, and did not know where she lived. Thankfully she was wearing a Medic Alert bracelet which enabled him to find her home and track me down.

I was at first feeling panicked and many different emotions were attacking me all at once. Guilt, fears,and anger. I pulled myself together and was able to reach her caregiver who left mom to get something to eat. She returned to my mothers home and stayed the night with her. I was told by the fireman that if he could not find anyone he would have had to take mom to the hospital. This was brand new for she never ever wandered before, in the eight years that she has Alzheimer's.

Wandering is quite common and I urge all of you that are now reading my post, to please make sure that your loved one has an identification bracelet. If you need more information please contact your local Alzheimer organization wherever you may live, and they will be able to advise you on how to get one.

Mom ended the week on an "up" note for when I shared with her that her son was coming she said "oh my brother I love him so much." "No mom not your brother, your son is coming." Mom's tender reply was "brother, son what difference does it make, I love them all the same."I realized that mom can distinguish who is her family, and yet she cannot always distinguish between brother, son, father, sister, daughter,or mother. Sometimes she thinks her name is Lisa and it amuses her that she and I have the same name. Most days she knows my name and that I am her daughter.

Being grateful for the little things in life is all that I now can ask for. Yes I am grateful and I am thankful that my mom still can warm my heart in so many ways. Big, small it does not matter. So I ask myself was this a beautiful day? For me my answer has to be yes.


My newly released book-My Mom My Hero, is now available on Amazon and Kindle worldwide. The reviews have been wonderful.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363625113&sr=1-6&keywords=my+mom+my+hero

LOVE IS LIKE THE OCEAN

LOVE IS LIKE THE OCEAN

 I shared with mom that I had called to tell her how much I loved her, and to wish her a lovely day. As if she was a poet she recited this beautiful verse to me. "Love is like the ocean, beautiful and clear." Was I hearing things? Exuberantly, I shouted "mom that was absolutely beautiful." I could actually feel moms smile right through the phone wires as she said "I'm so glad you liked it."   I quickly rejoiced in her poetic words. For a split moment my mom became my spiritual Buddha.  The eloquence of these words fascinated me.

The following day I phoned  in a humorous mood and as she answered my call I did not say my usual "hi Mom," instead I said "hi Mommy" which Ruthie found to be quite funny. She giggled and said "I like that I am your mommy." With that I chirped in that I had four names for her, which were Mom, Mommy, Mother & Ruthie. I could tell that we both were feeling amused. The phone call was light and silly.

 For me these daily phone calls are so meaningful. I look forward to hearing her sweet voice and I adore telling her how much I love her. Funny how this unconditional love that I feel so deep in my heart, was not always present before she suffered with Alzheimer's. I wonder if my calls back then were out of obligation rather than love. There were times that I would call to share about her one and only grandchild that she so adored. Those call always brought much joy to her heart and I loved to hear about how smart, kind and handsome he was, from his one and only grandmother.

Unfortunately, today mom does not remember that she has a grandson. At least in her mind, yet in her heart I know she knows. I know when he comes with me to visit she feels all his love as she gleams back at him, with much affection. I love watching them holding each other's hands. Logan and I are planning to visit her during the month of June. I am getting excited as the time is getting closer

As our phone calls come to an end, mom usually wishes me a wonderful day and repeatedly tells me that she only wants her family to be healthy. Healthy, I wonder how she would actually describe what the word signifies to her. For when I repeat it and question her about her own health, her response is always a positive one.

I have written down mom's beautiful verse that she just said to me, as I want to  remember it always , "Love is like the ocean beautiful and clear." For me my love for her is deeper than the deepest part of any ocean. My mom, my mommy, my mother will always my hero.



My newly released book-My Mom My Hero, is now available on Amazon and Kindle worldwide.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363625113&sr=1-6&keywords=my+mom+my+hero


 

A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

After one week of my mom not responding in her cheerful way, there were some concerns that she was moving into another phase of Alzheimer's. Ruthie somehow bounced back and once again she was doing "well".  She was ready to chat, and chat is what she did. I kept a prospective on what doing "well" actually means, given the destruction from this disease. Mom is not the same person, yet I like to look upon her as still being whole, just in a different place.

 I find that being thankful for the little things from Ruthie is all that I can ask for.  I am thrilled and delighted when our phone calls have sounds of laughter, and mom is still able to understand most of the things that I share with her. I  know that I need to keep my communication with her simple. No longer can I tell her stories, for she will then say that she cannot understand what I am speaking about. Complicated conversations will only confuse her, so for now short and sweet is the way to go.

"Hi mom, did I tell you that I wrote a book about you?" Ruthie with an upbeat voice filled with clarity chimed in "that's very nice of you." I shared that my book was dedicated to her and is called, My Mom My Hero. With much pride in her voice mom sounded delighted and thanked me. I wanted to believe for the moment that she understood everything I just said to her.

Given that she cannot remember that I call each day, I am certain that she has already forgotten about the book . My book honors her, and shares about all the unconditional love that I now feel for her as we travel together on her journey.

 Mom continues with,"Lisa I thought you were coming to visit today." "No mom that would be impossible since I do not live close to you." "Oh where do you live?" "I live in New York." "I'm sorry I forgot, and I will wait for you to visit no matter how long it takes." With those words my heart melted and I replied," I'll be coming in a few weeks, but right now I'm waiting for my kisses." Her response was, "I didn't know that you were waiting for my kisses." She made me laugh and I made sure to let her know, that my day is not complete without them.

After hanging up I had a passing thought of what would it be like when she can no longer throw these kisses. A day that I do not want to think about, and I only want to celebrate now her being alive .I know that for me as long as mom can still have a breath of fresh air, I am grateful.

These simple things in life that one can take for granted, are for me what really counts. My mom today still fills my heart with a love that I deeply cherish. Life can be great and life can be tough ,yet how we choose to look at it can really make a diffference.



My Book is now Available on Amazon and Kindle Worldwide.

Here is the link.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-A-daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364487454&sr=8-1&keywords=my+mom+my+hero

MY MOM MY HERO

MY MOM MY HERO- is a Newly Released  book. It is a compilation of special posts, including some of the many comments I have received from readers around the world.  Dedicated to my mom, and to all the other's who have been effected by this horrific disease. This book is also dedicated to all the caregivers that I have met, and the ones I have not. It is a book about love and relationships.

It is available on Amazon and Kindle worldwide. I'd like to share the link with you.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-A-daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364487454&sr=8-1&keywords=my+mom+my+hero

 

KISSES CLOSE TO MY HEART

KISSES CLOSE TO MY HEART

The last several weeks my mom has not been as vibrant or sharp as in the past. She has been both connected and disconnected. This was what my brother had been feeling, which left him thinking, that she may shortly have to go into a nursing home .

My interpretation was a little different. Mom does not wander, and she has still been able to be alone in her home after her caregivers depart for the night, without too many occasions of disturbances . Since her money is dwindling ,in the near future she will have to go on Medicaid, and then be placed into a nursing home.

One day this week I was able to catch mom with a conversation that delighted me. It's not that what she said made much sense, yet she sounded to me both upbeat and jovial. She was definitely confused with who was who ,yet I so badly wanted to experience all the silly things that she was sharing with me.

It began when mom questioned me about my name."Mom, my name is Lisa." With that she started to laugh as she so heartily said, and with excitement ,that she had the same name as me. "Mom, I thought your name was Ruth." She so proudly answered with my name is "Lisa Ruth Elian." She continued to say that she and I had the same name, which she thought was quite funny.  I smiled and quickly thought that maybe she wanted to have the same name as me, because of her love for me. I did not feel upset, and trying to convince her of anything else, would do absolutely no good.  Harmlessly I played along.

I continued with telling her that everyone loved her. With such surprise in her voice she shouted "really, I did not know that everyone loves me." "Mom that is because you are so sweet."She then shared with me how much she also loves her mother, as if she was still alive. I quickly decided not to tell her how long ago her mom passed away, and just allow her fantasies to continue.

She then asked, "what's your name again?" As we continued on, she repeated the same conversation. She then wanted to know when I would be visiting, which is a question that she frequently asks of me. After explaining that I lived far away, in New York, she quickly remembered by saying,"oh I forgot you live there," as she started reminiscing about the city that she was born and raised in.

Today's call as it was ending, I made sure that I would collect my kisses from her. Mom did throw them to me, yet she said that she tried two times and nothing came out of her lips. "Yes mom I did get your kisses and I put them in my pocket." She then wanted to know, sounding like an innocent child, how I could do that. I declared that it was magic. "You threw them, I caught them, and they are now my kisses, that I can  always keep close to my heart." Mom let out a giggle.

Lucky, lucky me for her sweet enduring kisses. They will remain today and always, in my pocket which lies very close to my heart.

MY HEART IS ACHING

MY HEART IS ACHING

During the week I discovered that mom's money would shortly be running out. We are now getting closer to the moment, when she will have to go on Medicaid, and be admitted into a nursing home. Her condition is progressing, and my brother and I do not know how long she will be able to stay in her home.

I as her daughter feel so saddened, and I am left with a heaviness that I can hardly explain. I honestly feel a little lost.  How can I do this to my mother? How can I abandon her ? How can I just put her into a nursing home, when she still has moments of aliveness. How cruel can I be ? What now are my choices?

I have so many things to think about, and wishing that I will be able to do the best I can for her. I do not want to upset or hurt her. The strange thing is that mom will probably not even realize what is happening, and if she does, she immediately will forget it. Her wishes and my promises to never leave her home will be broken.

My emotions are running wild . I know in my heart that I am not alone in this. I know that this is happening everyday, to so many other families. My writings and being able to express myself  helps ease my pain.

The nursing homes are filled with so many people, and have long waiting lists especially in the Alzheimer units. The beds do not free up quickly, for the victims of Alzheimer's can live for years and years with this terminal illness. 

I was aware that this would be happening, just not realizing when I would have to face this. Now what? Was I living in denial, or choosing to live in the moment?

Maybe we have some more time? Could mom bounce back again? Are our calculations incorrect?  I think, I pray and I wonder.

 I passed a homeless man several days ago and I felt so troubled by seeing him.  He had no place to live, no shelter, nor food to eat. It was an epiphany that hit me, for I flashed on my mom.

Alzheimer's has stolen her life from her, yet not the love I know she can still feel. Nor the warmth and comfort of her own bed. I must stay grateful for all the blessings that we have in our life, and know that the world still has some miracles.

Aftermath:
 
I awoke with only thoughts of my mom. I felt queasy and I was left with frets of fears, along with all the many decisions that will have to be made. Do I bring her back to New York?  Can I even find a nursing home for her? Or should I have her remain in Florida, where she and my brother both live ?

 As I spoke to mom and shared how much I missed her, without telling her how my heart was aching, she said "do not worry, for we will get to see each other soon." My heart at that very moment broke in two.

 I know that I must lighten up. Oh how I despise this horrific disease that robs you of your dignity and your life .

I cry out wanting only for my mother to hold me, as when a was a young child ,and comfort me as I snuggle into her arms. I want her to reassure me, that everything will be okay.


 

IF ONLY FOR A DAY

 

IF ONLY FOR A DAY

I most recently asked my mother is she would count to twenty for me. Mom refused claiming that she was not feeling very well. I thought differently. I realized that at this moment she was not capable of doing this. For her saying that she felt ill, was her way of covering up what felt difficult for her to perform.  At certain moments she remains sharp enough to be able to know her limitations

This week my husband and I celebrated thirty two years of marriage. I excitedly shared this with mom and her response for me was adorable. "Wow Lisa, I did not know that you were married, and for such a long time." "Yes mom, I am." She then said "is he nice?'' "Very nice,"I answered. " I also have a son, your grandson who is named after your father.""How old is he?" Proudly, I said he's twenty five and six feet tall." Mom seemed delighted.

There are many different ways that I could have reacted to what mom could no longer remember. My emotions could have left me feeling upset ,or perhaps angry that she has Alzheimer's. Fortunately for me, I can appreciate and enjoy the interactions that we still can share. Mom was like an innocent child and just hearing her cuteness left me with smile.

Sometimes I wish that I could slip into my mother's head if only for a day, and see the world from her perspective. I wonder through her eyes what does she see?  What does she hear, and what does she think? How does her brain process everything that surrounds her? Mom seems to be happy and in no pain, and for me this is all that is important.

Several years ago I interviewed her and asked if it was scary that she did not remember certain things. Her answer, back then, was that it did not upset her. She knew that whatever had happened the day before had to be nice. Today, mom has lost a great deal of her memory.  I ponder what would mom now say, and could she even answer my question? Sometimes, I sit, I wait and I wonder. If only for one day could I know the answer.

 

CLOSE TO MY HEART

CLOSE TO MY HEART

As today's phone call came to an end, my mother told me that it was a "pleasure" to hear me sing to her. The word "pleasure" was a different word then she normally uses in her new limited vocabulary.  I loved the sound of it, as it made my heart skip a beat. My soul cried out to how much I miss seeing her.  Since my brother lives nearby, he gets to visit her once a week, which leaves me feeling a little envious.

 I experienced mom this week in some different troubling ways.  Her caregivers and I watched to see if she was behaving strange, because she was either constipated, having another UTI(Urinary Tract Infection) episode, or that Alzheimer's was naturally reclaiming her. This time I was able not to get upset and stay in the moment. Could I be getting immuned, or perhaps learning not to panic?

I must admit that I did call three times in one day, just wondering if she was doing any better. Fortunately, mom rarely ever needs to take any medication for anxiety. Yet this day I requested that her caregiver give her half a pill to hopefully bring some tranquility back into her life. As the day went by, the pill seemed to have helped.

Mom had been rambling on about her fingers and continuosly counting them, explaining that someone had slapped her hand. She insisted that she had to return home, although she was already in her home, as she claimed that she had much to do. I made certain that her fingers were not sprained or broken, since mom could not tell us if she had accidentally hurt herself. Could she have closed a closet or draw on her fingers?  I am not certain, and we will never know.

The following day she made more sense, yet her question left me with an empty feeling. She wanted to know if I had any friends. "Yes mom, I do have friends."  I was feeling rather sentimental  as I expressed to her, how blessed I was that she was my mother and also my best friend.  Mom then shared , "I use to have many friends but since I am now in the house all the time, you loose your friends." "Mom does this bother you?" "No not really,"she explained saying that these things do not upset her.

I can only wonder if mom feels all alone and terribly isolated. There are very few people left in her life. She has her caregivers, my brother and myself, yet in her universe, she no longer has any friends or neighbors that ever come to visit. What emotionally can she be experiencing in her world, that she no longer can share with any of us?  I found that what I was left with, was an emotion of just wanting to hold her, and tell her that everything will be just fine

As the week progressed she bounced back and intrigued me with her words of wisdom. Once again mom was saying that she was happy to be alive. I have noticed that after she has had a disturbing experience, she always returns with being grateful for her health and life. It is amazing and a blessing that mom can somehow, someway really understand and appreciate just being alive. I listen carefully to this amazing ,wise lady, and I hold her words close to my heart, just knowing that each day that we are alive, truly is a gift.

Note: the picture above was when mom was free from Alzheimer's.

MY SPECIAL VALENTINE

MY SPECIAL VALENTINE

 

Mom has become in many ways my favorite Valentine.  Each day when I phone her, she is so excited to hear my voice.  It seems that she has in some ways spread her wings and embraced the joy that remains in her life.  In my heart, I do believe that some of her affection comes from the warmth and caring that she receives from both her caregivers.

At one time it was quite difficult to have mom leave her home, although she now appears to enjoy going out with “the ladies”.” Mom, I hear that you are going dancing today.” She responds that when her friends take her out she will always go.  She chirps in with “it’s always good to have fun and it’s even better to get out.” “Yes mom, I totally agree with you.” Yet I must admit that whenever she is out, she only wants to go back home.  That’s the disease speaking, surely not my mom.

Before mom got Alzheimer’s she was someone that always went out.  She walked each day for exercise, swam in the swimming pool in her community, went to lectures at her clubhouse, and participated in different women’s group.

One of the first signs of her having Alzheimer’s was when she became all confused about the clubs and lectures starting over  again after the summer came to an end.  I should have realized then that something was happening to her.  Could I have been in a state of denial ?  Her younger brother already had Alzheimer’s, yet not my mom.  The thought never even occurred to me.

Mom expressed to me that she wished that I lived near her, so that I could come by and sit down and visit with her.  How I wish I did, yet this is impossible.  Sometimes she thinks she lives in New York and other times, she knows that she left here many years ago.  I’m not even sure if she understands the distance that lies between us.

 Life has its funny ways of turning out.  Sometime’s what may seem so tragic can in some strange way be a turning point is someone’s life.   For me I was given a second chance to have such an unconditional love for my mother.  It was not always like this, yet so many years have transpired since she became ill, and my deep love and affection for her have only grown.

Life is a gift. Love is also a gift, and hearing her say to me as we hang up the telephone, “I love you and I love your kisses,” only makes me realize again how very fortunate I am.  She really is my sweetheart and my special Valentine.

APPRECIATING BEING ALIVE

APPRECIATING BEING ALIVE

Each day when I speak to my mom she usually stays on the phone for five to ten minutes, depending on whether she can concentrate or not. Some days we are able to enjoy the melodies that we sing together, or have our spelling bee's, that mom surprisingly is still very good at.

One day this week my mom did not want to get off the phone as she entusicastically rambled on. This has not happened for quite some time. She sounded alive and upbeat, yet what she described no longer exists in her world . As we shared different sentiments mom laughed out loud and seemed to be really enjoying herself.

She was amazed at how old she was, and thought that she looked much younger. Several times she said she did not want to remember her age. She felt young and hearing how old she was meant that she could soon die. Nothing she spoke about came from any dark corners and all her stories that she chatted about, were upbeat and filled with humor. Even more they seemed to make sense.

Mom kept telling me that it was a very long time since she saw her parents, explaining that this is because they do not live nearby. She was surprised and wondered if I could believe that she could not remember their faces. I tried to tell her that they were no longer alive, and if they were, they would be at least 125 years old. She passed right over what I said, and continued to delight herself with her repartee.

In between all her syllables she would question me where I now live. Of course, I continuously said New York and when I asked where she lived, she giggled and answered that she lived in her "home". She remembered growing up in New York and some other parts of the city.

Mom was really having a jolly good time. I enjoyed her aliveness and how delightful she was sounding. My husband thought that she sounded a little manic, yet I on the contrary believe that she was having glimpses of her life, and memories of her childhood. The images were firing so quickly in her brain that she just had to say anything that flashed through her mind.

Mom was alive today in a different way, from what her life normally sounds like. She was jovial and filled with enormous energy . Most Alzheimer patients cannot share what they are feeling or thinking because the feeling and thoughts quickly disappear, like the wave of a wand. Today my mom's memory blanket was fully charged. She knew that she had two children and named me as well as my brother.

She asked me several times when I was coming to visit, insisting that New York and Florida were next to one another . She was sure that if I looked into it I would also discover the closeness of these two states. I shared with her that we were having a snow storm and she asked me to remain inside, so I would be safe. She was surprised that she had no snow, not fully understanding the difference of climates from Florida to New York.

With all this said she took my breath away, and I then reflected on how mom could no longer do the simple things in her life. She would no longer take a shower on her own, nor brush her teeth, nor put on clean fresh clothes. She cannot work a microwave, the stove, or her washing machine. She does not know how to dial the telephone,and when she removes food from her freezer she leaves it out all night, only to be thrown out in the morning hours by her caregiver.

Her life is not the same and all her precious memories have disappeared. Yet on most days mom's enthusiasm and cheerfulness emanates from her. She appears to love and appreciate just being alive. Some of us can take a day for granted, yet she seems to own that each day is truly a gift. I say this because although she cannot recall much, she repeats many times, that if we have our health nothing else matters.

This special lady who stands under five feet tall lights up my life and inspires me each day with her strength and courage. Everything that she described today was from a very long time ago. A life that once was, and to mom, seems not to have existed at all. What I hope for is that whatever happens in my life, I too, can feel love and appreciate just being alive.

LOVE AND AFFECTION

 

LOVE AND AFFECTION

Mom and I did not always have such a loving relationship. I'm not exactly sure how, where or when things had changed. Yet when I think back to my childhood, my teenage years and after I became a mother myself, I can remember some wonderful times we were able to share together. I can also remember the flip side of  how our personalities clashed and some of our battles.

My husband believes that my mother's Alzheimer's probably started back then, when the fights got extremely intense. For me I was so involved in "being right" that I could not step away long enough to realize what was transpiring. That was then and this is now.

Ruthie has become my hero, and her spirit lights up my life almost everyday. Of course there are some days when her Alzheimer's  takes over, and it can be difficult to have a conversation with her. Yet on most days I am still able to admire and respect her "joie de vie" about life.

The last several weeks my mother has continuously brought up how important it is that we have our health. She makes sure to add in that this is all that matters. Although she is correct, I also had this burning desire to share with her that something else was more important to me. I explained to her that it was about all the love that I felt for her. 

She questioned me on how much do I love her. "Mom, I love you more than anything else in this world." She then so tenderly spoke these words, "that's lovely because I feel the same way about you."

At that moment my heart melted, and I could feel with all my body and soul how much love I had for her. Without mom getting sick I wonder if our relationship, that was once bittersweet would have ever blossomed. Would I have been able to discover this feeling of deep love and affection towards her ?

I wish that I could make her free of Alzheimer's ,yet I cannot. I cherish that I was given a second chance to love her so completely. My emotions for her are filled with a never ending love and affection .

It's funny how life can change, how what might look like a tragedy could also in a strange way be an opportunity. At one time I would have wanted someone else's mom to be my mother ,and today I would never trade her, for any other mother in the world.  It feels magical to me, for I now can embrace every second that I am able to celebrate life with her.