Friday, August 22, 2014



How can I find the words to express all the feelings bottled up in me since returning from spending four "precious" days with my mother? This was a special trip in which we celebrated her 90th Birthday.

The first two days mom was exuberant as she shared many different stories with us, some that made sense and others that did not. It didn't really matter what she said for it was a miracle that she was feeling so alive. Her smiles and laughter melted my heart. She was energetic and it reminded me of how she was before Alzheimer's crept into her life.

On day three she seemed more interested in running around in her Merry Walker than speaking to us, and, on day four, she expressed how tired she was, sounding more like a lost child, as she questioned every second what she should be doing.

Fortunately I was able to enjoy every moment with her and did reflect on my trip after I returned home. After sharing this with my husband I realized how much my heart ached for her and how much I already missed seeing her.

It will be four "long" months till I return to Florida. It's been difficult living so far away and having such limited time to share with her. This time in January I will be staying a whole month so I can spend more quality time with my mom.

Mom said some special things that I hope never to forget. The one I want to always remember was when we were walking down the hall together and she said that she "will always be my mother".

I know that she is my mother yet I still cannot help feeling how I want to take her in my arms and protect her from everything in her life that could possibly hurt her. I want to hold her, cuddle her, and kiss her as I tell her that everything will be alright.

Friends and family always ask me if my mom still knows me. I want to think so yet at other times I may not be sure. Today, I believe she knows she is my mother and that I am her daughter. It's a bond that can never be broken no matter how much Alzheimer's may steal from her.

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Friday, August 8, 2014



This photo was taken last year in August after mom entered the nursing home. She certainly looks happy and content in her new surroundings. Mom never wanted to leave her home, yet last year my brother and I decided that it was best for her. Fortunately, she had no idea where she was going or how she even got there. If there can be anything comforting about Alzheimer's it is that whatever upsetting feelings or thoughts that fill her mind disappear as quickly as they surface. It seems that they are washed away being forever lost at sea

In one week I will be visiting mom to celebrate her 90th Birthday. As the time approaches I start to feel excited and nervous. The combination of mixed emotions, whenever I go to visit her, has been happening for quite a few years.

Being a long distance caregiver I never know what to expect even though I speak to the nurses each day. My brother sends me pictures as well as keeping me abreast to his weekly visits. Since I do not see her as often I immediately witness the changes that Alzheimer's has had on her. I can see how much the disease has progressed.

I know that I must keep my upsetting feelings suppressed so that I may enjoy the time that I get to spend with her. I do not know how many more birthdays that I will be able to celebrate with mom, yet I know that each one of them is so very special. Turning 90 is no "spring chicken," although many people are living longer.

Each day that mom can still laugh, speak and smile is a day I cherish. Life is so precious and it is a treasure that she can still say my name. My love for her is so strong and to be able to celebrate her 90th birthday is a moment I will always remember. So, in less than a week, my sentimental voyage to mom will begin.

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