Friday, August 28, 2015



On August 24th my mom turned ninety one years old. This picture was from last year when we celebrated her 90th birthday. It was in some ways "exciting" to share this monumental birthday with her given that she has Alzheimer's for over eleven years. To be totally honest to myself there are moments when I question; is this the life I would want to be living?

I live in Manhattan where there are some elders in their early 90's who are still so full of life. Maybe they have slowed down, yet they are still able to come to the gym each morning, enjoy museums, the theatre, take a stroll through Central Park and dine out with friends or family. My husband also has quite a few aunts and uncles who are also in their 90's still driving around, traveling and living their lives "fully".  They are amongst the few that are truly blessed to be in such great health especially given their age.

For mom and many others who suffer from dementia there is not much quality left in their lives.  Just knowing how my mom now is I cannot help to notice and compare.

Obviously, if I were one of the fortunate ones I would be thrilled to be celebrating my 90th Birthday; and if I were like my mother, than for me, I'd rather not . I do know that mom is definitely one of the luckier ones; for she is still mobile, can spell and has as  a good sense of humor. She has not faded away as quickly as some others who have succumb to this horrific disease.

On a brighter note since Alzheimer's leaves mom without a memory she cannot recall how old she is. Thinking you are in your sixties is not such a bad thing when you are already past ninety.

So mom, although I am not with you this year to sing Happy Birthday or feed you you're birthday cake, I do want to say I love you and wish you a very Happy Birthday. Through my brother and your wonderful nurses I was at least able to deliver all of my wishes to you, which did leave me feeling complete.

MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours. 
Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio.

Thursday, August 6, 2015



"Mom the hand you are holding is that of your one and only grandchild." I can remember all the time you spent with Logan watching his favorite tv shows and movies. It's funny how I can still hear the two of you laughing while. Sometimes I'd wonder how you could sit and see the same movie over and over again. Yet that is what a loving grandmother would do for her one and only grandchild.

You no longer know who my son is nor do you understand that in six weeks he will be getting married. You met his beautiful bride-to-be in January as she came to Florida especially to meet you. "I know mom that you would be so proud of Logan, the man he has become, and would feel affection for the woman he has chosen to spend his life with."

When I think of all that you have been robbed of, I must confess it brings sadness to my heart. Alzheimer's is one of the most devastating diseases. It has the power to invade one's life and wash away a world full of memories.

Some people realize that every day is a gift and for me I hold onto each and every moment that I still can remember. I may never get Alzheimer's, yet one might say that I have a higher possibility since it runs in my family. First, your younger brother, and then you.

I know that going to sleep is final and realize that I would never be able to hear your voice, see your smile or hold your hand again. I question what is better. Being alive, locked away in your own world without any knowledge of your family or existence? Yes you seem to "be happy" or should I say "content". I wonder what thoughts, if any, may cross your mind only to disappear as quickly as they come.

I believe in my heart that you would not want to be alive if you truly understood about the world you now live in. For me if my world becomes like yours, I would not want to keep on living. So with much love how could I not wish for you, what I too would wish for myself. 

When Logan and Julia get married at the end of September, I will be thinking of you knowing how full of happiness and pride you would have been. I promise to have you with us, if only in spirit, to celebrate this glorious occasion. I love you mom today and forever.

MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours. 
Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio.