Thursday, August 15, 2019

WILL I CELEBRATE MOM'S BIRTHDAY?



WILL I CELEBRATE MOM"S BIRTHDAY?

My mom will be turning 95 years old on August 24th and I do not understand how or why she is still alive. She sits with her eyes shut closed, occasionally nodding her head, while weighing only 81 lbs.  I wonder is it that her constitution is so strong, or as the nurses say, "it's not yet g-ds will". I am not a religious person yet I if g-d has anything to do with this I find it terribly troubling that anyone in my mother’s state would still be alive.

This past winter after spending time with her for several months, my family and I were certain that she would pass away within a few months. We are now 5 months later, and it is heart wrenching  thinking of her nonexistence. I pray that she is not suffering.

Unfortunately, the nursing home, aware of moms no intake of food, has increased her daily supplement from one time a day to three times a day and also added an extra protein. This of course will not keep mom alive, yet it is slowing down her departure. After questioning the staff, we were told that by Florida state law they had to provide an oral nutrient as long as my mother would still take it. 

They might have felt this was humane yet we felt that it was quite inhumane, especially since my mother literally spelt out her wishes; stating that if she had an incurable brain disease that she did not want …..etc. It's tragic that I was able to be kinder to my dogs so they could have as little suffering as possible while reaching the end of their lives.

I have recently been invited to two birthday celebrations this year. One is a dear friend’s mother who just turned 90 and the others mother will be 100. I realize how fortunate they both are and if my mom were in their health, I would wish for her to live "forever". Unfortunately and sadly enough, this is not my mother's situation.

So, as my mother's birthday approaches I can celebrate the life she once had, yet I can no longer wish her a happy birthday.



"Letter To My Mom" & My Mom My Hero are both available on Amazon worldwide. Ebook, Audio, Paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=lisa+hirsch

9 comments:

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    1. Not anymore....and she won't let go. I know my dear friend that you so understand.

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  2. Oh, Lisa. My heart aches for you. So sorry to read about the issues with the nursing home. It makes no sense especially when she made her wishes known. It is extremely upsetting. I hope for peace for you and your dear mother. XO

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    1. I believe even if the nursing home agreed, and wanted to stop giving her nutrition, since not all states have the option of letting a person die with dignity, their hands were tied. It is sad. Even if she had written it down and had it notarized, if she is living in a state where it is not legal for the physician to assist a person, then there is nothing the nursing home can do other than keep offering her nutrition,

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    2. Yes it is troublesome especially since she had an attorney in Florida where she lived draw up her health care directive. Oh well at least I know that I did everything possible to try to fulfill her wishes. I am a big supporter of Death w Dignity. Unfortunately even in the 8 states where it is legal having Dementia does not qualify. I hope one day that whoever wishes can end their life when ill like I did for my dogs.

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  3. I have made the same comparison lately that it was ridiculous I could prevent my dog from suffering, yet was unable to keep my mom from suffering. One day when we left the nursing home after visiting my grandmother who had dementia, my Mom said "dont let that happen to me, please just put a pillow over my face" We all totally understood what she was saying and why. I feel the same way about me potentially suffering from this disease.

    Luckily my mother also had metastatic breast cancer and we knew that the cancer would prevent her from lingering for years and years as my grandmother, and many others have. She actually lasted a year and a half after we stopped the cancer treatment.

    Her dementia progressed very quickly. We never knew if the cancer had gone to her brain as there are not test done to see the spread of the cancer once you stop treatment.

    As she physically declined we did everything humanly possible to keep her out of a nursing home. Unfortunately she declined so much, and was so physically weak and gained so much weight that we could not longer get her up off the floor when she fell.

    By time she ended up in a nursing home, she was so confused and unaware of where she was and why. Thank God she didnt realize it was a nursing home. The cancer actually took her her within 5-6 weeks of her arrival at the nursing home.

    She just passed a month ago, tomorrow. I miss my mother dearly! I really miss the one I had 5 years ago before her dementia started. But I am SO very glad that she did not have to live in confusion and fear and anger etc for years.

    Her birthday is coming in about 3 weeks. I am still grieving losing her, and I dread her birthday coming this year. It is going to be so hard. I would love to have some ideas on what people did on the first birthday after their love one had passed.

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  4. Kiducator, I am so sorry about your mother and agree totally with what you have shared. I live in NY and my mom lives in Florida. If I could have "brought her home" hospice would "help" us to fulfill my mom's wishes. Unfortunately to move her back to NY myself and my family thought that would be so difficult for her(and honestly us).Would or could I be strong enough under my roof to watch as they stopped feeding her with hospice, doctors, nurses 24 seven. So we "sit" and wait. Thank you for sharing your personal story about your mom. Sending hugs, Lisa

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  5. I am so happy to come across this today, since I do have your first book and have been wondering about your and your mother. I pray your mom received many, many blessings for her birthday. It is amazing how a person can hang on when it seems that no human body could. The human spirit is an incredible thing. If I could share the way things seem to me, for what it's worthy, it is my belief if a person were ready to go, the small amount of nutrition she's receiving wouldn't stop her, and certainly wouldn't stop God, as the people at the nursing home have said. I wish your mom could share with you the reasons why she hasn't let go yet but they are probably deeply precious reasons. I believe that some day, you'll know those reasons. Thank you for sharing your story. When my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's I read many, many books by family members. They were so helpful, and I was always touched by the deep love this illness brings out in caregivers. I will continue to think of you and will offer prayers for all of you. It's so hard.

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    1. Sharon I am touched by what you have just shared with me. Your words mean so much to me. I am sorry that you to had to share this journey with me and other caregivers out of your dads illness yet I am grateful that you have been part of my life. xoxo Lisa

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