As I finished another chapter of a book I am reading, I flashed on my mother and how she once loved to read. She described that when she was a teenager she could spend hours during the summer months reading under a tree. She imagined becoming some of the fascinating characters she read about. Besides her passion for literature she also adored watching movies.
Both of these joys no longer exist in her world. She is unable to read and she cannot follow the script from any movie. All of these pleasures for her are lost due to this horrific disease- Alzheimer's. This now makes me wonder what sort of existence she now endures.
I phone the nursing home at least 2- 4 times a day trying to either reach a nurse or perhaps catch a moment to speak with her. I usually am told that she is walking around the hallways, as she is strapped into her walker, smiling to whoever passes her by. Is she strolling or better yet wandering from being lost and confused ?
It's hard for me not to question what sort or life this is for her. Mom knows no difference, so in her universe she probably is fine. It is I who anguise for her and wonder how she really is doing.
Perhaps for me I need to adjust to her "new" life. Mom is now in her own world, and somehow I am the one left trying to find some inner peace. As each day passes my life is moving forward and mom's life seems to be disappearing .
Intellectually speaking, I realize that life does not stand still, yet I cannot help to yearn for yesterday. It's a yearning deep inside of me to bring my mom back to being a whole person.
My Mom My Hero book is for all the special people in our lives.
Available on Amazon & Kindle worldwide.