Wednesday, May 28, 2014

WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE



WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE

If my mother could really understand, she would be so proud of her children, not that she wasn't before her illness. It's just different now. My brother and I have become closer than we ever were before. Mom's disease has bonded us with a deeper sense of love, and for me I have gained a different respect for my brother.

She is the reason for everything. She is my shining star. Mom has stirred up so many emotions, all filled with love. She has opened my eyes and world to many things that I might never have thought were possible. Without her, I never would have started writing this blog.

Yet, I am not capable to do the same for her. I miss and yearn to hear the sound of her voice, her words, her thoughts and her opinions. How I wish that she could share her feelings with me. I wonder what might still exist in her universe.

Over this holiday weekend my husband and I took a ride to the country. I cherished seeing the brilliance of blue skies and the trees as their bright lush leaves glistened in the sunshine. There was a warm breeze that felt divine as my hair swirled in circles. I was feeling alive as I embraced all the natural beauty that surrounded me.

I then thought of my mother, how she can no longer appreciate any of this. Because of Alzheimer's her eyes can no longer recognize the glorious blue skies, nor the lush trees. I started thinking that her world has been robbed from her. It is no longer just her memory, but the simple beautiful things in life that no longer exist for her. I drifted into thinking, what sort of existence is this?

I know that ones life can end in a split second. With Alzheimer's it has been ten years that we keep watching her disappear into her world; a world that is certainly unknown.

I know that my mother is still alive yet I question, "is she"? With every breath I take I pray that  a cure will be found for this horrific disease. A disease that not only robs you from seeing the world through rose colored glasses, but destroys a life that was once worth living.


 
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19 comments:

  1. How true this is. I did find that music helped bring my Mom back if only for the duration of the song but it was beautiful to see. Don't worry Lisa I know somewhere deep down she knows you are there or she knows she is in your thoughts. Hugs Carol

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  2. Hi Carol,
    Truly amazing how music brings many people with Alzheimer's alive if only for the moment. It touches a core so deep inside them, and fills them with joy as they hear the music. My mom also love it. Hugs back to you, Lisa

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  3. Your tribute to your mom is so touching! She is blessed to have a daughter who loves her and cherishes her despite Alzheimer's dementia.

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    1. Bola, your words are so kind. Thank you for taking the time to write me. Lisa

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  4. Lisa I enjoy your blog so much godbless lisa and god be wjth your mom

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    1. Wow you touched my heart deeply. Hugs Lisa

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  5. Yes, I pray for cure of this disease too. With the baby boomers having a problem with this issue, maybe the will up the research $s

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    1. Thumbs up. Unfortunately it's not up to Baby Boomers but politicians. That makes us all in trouble.

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  6. Beautifully written. What a great picture of you and your mom too!

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    1. Emily thanks for sharing. Have aa great day. Lisa

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  7. Thank you for sharing this. I recently went to an Alzheimer's support group which helped me work through a lot of the feelings I had about my granny that died. She had Alzheimer's for over 10 years and it progressed slowly at first and the just sped up. Its a long a drawn out process that can be so draining.

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    1. Danielle, I'm so sorry to hear about your granny.I also attend Alzheimer support groups. It is a safe place to share all your feelings with others who truly understand. I'm also here for you. Hugs, Lisa

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  8. I am also my mother's caregiver because she has Alzheimer's and I also chose writing as my outlet to deal with my emotions and feelings. I love this post. You can feel the love you have for your mom. It is a closeness that few can understand. While I am certainly not glad my mom got this disease I am grateful for the fact that is has brought us so much closer together.

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    1. Rena, what you just shared is so familair and similar to my relationship with my mother. It's so crazy for I would remove Alzheimer's from her being in a flash. Since that is not possible, I feel that I was given a second chnace to just love my mom unconditionally. Keep on writing for it is so theraputic and something for you to have always. Hugs, Lisa

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  9. I know how you feel in a way. My grandmother (the one I grew up with) has Alzheimer's and it's hard seeing your loved one, especially someone you're that close to, that way. I hope it's cured soon!

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    1. Nicole, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Just know that she loves you very much even if at moments she is unable to show it to you. Imagine one day a world without Alzheimer's. Lisa

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  10. Great post. You mentioned that you and your siblings became much closer as a result of caregiving. And, that was true for me and my brothers. We ended up working together very well as a team, much better than I would have expected, which was a blessing. And, we both published books about our experience. The writing was a wonderful process as well. Thanks.

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    1. Hi Anne, I love your story and even more our similarities. Lisa

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    2. Thanks! Let me know if you'd like a complimentary Kindle version of my book. Send me a PM on Facebook: Anne Hays Egan.

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