Thursday, September 11, 2014

MOM I WISH YOU COULD HEAR ME


MOM I WISH YOU COULD HEAR ME


Logan is now twenty six years old and is my mom's only grandchild. She adored him and I know deep down in the mist of "her world" that she still does. Yet today because of Alzheimer's I am unable to share with her the joy I am feeling.

On Sunday my son got engaged to a fabulous lady who mom would have loved. What a magical moment in all of our lives, one that I so badly wanted to share with her. I know in my heart how thrilled she would have been.

 As I picked up the phone to call the nursing home I knew even if I could get mom to listen that she would not be able to comprehend what I was saying to her. What I found even more upsetting was that she would not be able to remember. One of my favorite nurses answered and I was able to share my feelings with her. I had her promise me that she would tell mom, and as I hung up I was secure that my message would be delivered.

As I walked down the streets of Manhattan I started to cry. These were not tears of joy. They were tears of how much I missed mom and how I wished that she could truly hear me. For a few moments I was sad that I could not share this with her. I felt sickened by this disease and thought of how my mother was half alive. I longed for the part of her that once was here.

It's funny because every time that I have shared this with those who are dear to me, tears still flowed down my face. I think my husband expressed what I was feeling. He said that although my mom is still alive, because of her illness in many ways she is no longer here.

 I know that I am still fortunate that there are parts of her that exist and this is so much better than the alternative. I can still squeeze her hand and I can still hear her as she whispers in my ear that she loves me.

In January my son and future daughter-in-law will be visiting her. I look forward to seeing, if only for a moment, mom's excitement. It does not really matter how much mom can understand, as long as we can all celebrate, once again, this wonderful occasion.


MY MOM MY HERO. With over 175 Great Reviews.
http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-Daughters-Bittersweet-ebook/dp/B00BZC9LBQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409237922&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch

8 comments:

  1. I love this article. It’s a really great article. Thanks for sharing..!!
    It’s nice and related to our daily life.
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    Replies
    1. Sara I'm so happy that you could relate to my writing. That means alot to me. Wishing you and your family the very best.

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  2. Hi Lisa
    I am so happy to hear your news and I know that your Mom is happy also. Your blog brought tears to my eyes and a flood of memories about when my nephew wanted to come and introduce his first love to Mom. I gently explained to him that the Nan he knows is not the Nan he will see and he said that is OK because she is still Nan and I want Stephanie to know my Nan. We had Mom's hair done and she was all dressed up and they had a wonderful visit together. I was so proud of him for doing this and keeping her included in everyday life. He said to me later that day Nan did not know me did she and I explained that today she did not but when we meet her again in heaven she will thank you for what you did and for him to know how much his act will mean to her and meant to her. Your Mom will not know the full meaning right now but I am sure that when we meet again she will give Logan a big hug for keeping her included in his big news. Hugs Carol

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    1. Carol thanks so much for sharing about your nephew. In some ways it's all bitter sweet ! Hugs back, Lisa

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  3. Understand this feeling very well. MIL can speak coherently, but somehow can't process, hear, understand, empathise. I would give my back teeth for a proper conversation with her, and to know what she was really thinking - or if she is really "thinking" anything at all...

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    Replies
    1. Keira my heart goes out to you .
      Hugs, Lisa

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    Thanks

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