Sunday, March 5, 2017



For the last fourteen years I have witnessed my mother slowly disappearing from Alzheimer’s. With a heavy heart I go through the process of grieving and realize that through my writings I have begun to heal myself.
Is it possible for me to share all the feelings that are so deeply embedded within my soul?

This past January my husband and I were in Florida where mom resides (in a nursing home) to spend every day with her. In the past four years, each January, we witnessed mom transform day by day as she became more aware of the world around her.

I had realized that mom would not be like last year yet I could never have imagined that from a bad cold, her world and mine would shatter.

I mainly sat by her side, held her hand, stroked her face and told her how much I loved her. Mom has now entered into in the last stages of Alzheimer’s. How I wish that I could have her peacefully go to sleep; instead of what could take many months or years for her to say goodbye.
Her words are now seldom, her eyes mostly shut closed. Her walking around the nursing home has come to a halt for she no longer has the will nor energy to carry on.

She occasionally opens her eyes and, once in a while, she would smile. I was able to steal a few kisses yet even the sound of music that once delighted her, could not bring forth any signs of joy.
Witnessing her withdraw from the world was quite painful. As my thoughts surfaced I took to pen and paper to share my most inner deep feelings. My prayers were not answered as I had prayed for her to pass away. I knew that mom would never want to exist like this. I also wanted to take away the pain I was feeling, knowing that there could be no recovery.

I question why my mom got sick while I was here? Why couldn’t we have been able to share some special moments like we had done in previous years? Couldn’t she have waited to after I left? How silly of me to even think this way.  I know no one gets to choose when or where.

MY MOM MY HERO - A mother & daughters new found love.