Friday, April 6, 2018



My mom has Alzheimer's for over fourteen years and as her disease progresses so does my emotions. I often feel I am on a rollercoaster swaying back and forth as it speeds around many curves shaking up my inner feelings.

This February like the past four years, I once again spent an entire month with my mother. As a long distance caregiver having the opportunity to see her more frequently brings out a more positive responses from her.

Now on most days we find her with eyes closed and very little expression on her face. The sound of music that once delighted her seems to have disappeared. One thing that is constant is that when I take her hand, even when she seems to be sleeping, she holds on tightly as if never wanting to let go.

On several occasions with eyes wide open we also found mom speaking nonstop. Although her speech is gibberish and difficult to understand it still lifted our spirits to hear her come alive. Yet amazingly enough mom said a few profound things such as "people should be happy".

I am always grateful that my wonderful supportive husband joins me. He is so loving to mom especially when I feel a loss for words. Magically he connects with her and finds the right things to say.

The head of nursing has confirmed that mom is in the last stages of the disease. I do not know when she will finally say goodbye, yet in my heart, I do not believe that it is in the near future.

I have shared many times before that this horrific disease also fascinates me. Sometimes I question if I am now in denial or just becoming immune and accepting the situation. The once praying for mom to go to sleep has vanished and a new "space" has opened up for me.

I now feel more serene and have a calmness that is freeing. No more torturing myself of what I wish to be. I know that when mom is ready or the disease has "won", that is when I will have to say my final goodbyes. So for now, I cherish and remember how tightly our hands intertwined never wanting to let go.

My new book "Letter To My Mom". It is the continuation of my first book "My Mom My Hero" Available Worldwide on Amazon in Paperback & Kindle.


  1. She is some tough lady to have held on so long.

    1. My mom has a very strong constitution. You may call it tough. Imagine at 93 not to be on any medication. I hope I inherited the "good" stuff!

  2. This is precious time with your Mom. I had this journey with my Mum for 8 years and it had a profound impact on me and who I am. As u say no more struggling with the perception of who and what I should be. It brought me to a beautiful place of enjoying the moment. That time sitting with mum holding her hand not really speaking was precious and life changing . Dementia changed my mum and me and I would nt trade it in a strange kind of way. Now 7 years afyer her passing I miss her but those moments of enjoyment continud to uplift me.

  3. Thelma I am sorry about your mum yet I understand fully everything that you have shared. I have shared many similar feeling in my 2 books. Have you read either of them? I think you would absolutely relate and like them. Hugs to you and thank you so much for sharing. Lisa

  4. Hi there.. keep on your good work..

    i really know how you feel.. my mum diagnosed with dementia a year ago... and she has also diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Desease stage V, we have to go for Hemodialyse treatment 2 times a week..

    my mums conciousness are ups and down.. once she was unable to move in her bed for 3 month, the doctor said she had only a month if she didn't relearn how to sit or awake from her bed..

    but she managed.. a sister of her returned home after 17 years having her live abroad,

    thinking that she wont be able to she her again, but my mum sudently tried to sit and learning to walks.. her life is fulled with miracle..

    she also diagnosed with talasemia minor alpha, thats makes her have to spend a night in hospital atleast once a month to take at least 2 or 3 bags of blood...

    that is one of our nightmare, since she yells and shout every night she spend on hospital..

    in one occation she made the nurse moves the other 4 beds with patiens to the other rooms, in these 6 bed rooms, because she yells so intense, we have to sedate her and i don't know how many time i have to says i'm sorry to the other patients..

    but well mum is mum, sometimes she yells sometime she smiles and very kind .. sometimes she forget what was just happened, she eats a lot, sometimes 14 times a day, and when i asked her if she allready eat, she would said she haven't eat any,

    once she calles me with differents name.. but i know what she means.. she just need me more and more, her dementia is so up and down.. she once forgoten my sister name, even cant remember who she was.. but she still remember me.. i love her, i know that behind her sickness there is still my cheerfull and kind mum..

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