DOES HE LIKE ME ?
Once there was a time when my mom and her only grandchild would spend hours watching movies together, laughing, hugging and holding hands. Logan and his grandma were both movie lovers and Logan could watch the same movie over and over. Each time his grandmother came to visit they would have popcorn and pretzels as they put on another movie. They must have seen "Home Alone" together at least one hundred times.
I must admit that my mom was a great sport, to watch the same movie, over and over, year after year. I would not have been able to do that. I guess for your grandchild, you would do anything, especially one that my mom adored so much. Mom always told me how much she loved Logan and how she felt he loved her back.
I remember when my husband and I would pick my parents up at the airport, and as they approached the gate, they would scoot right by us, to pick Logan up in their arms. Almost as if we did not even exist. After a few moments of them smothering Logan with kisses and hugs, I would then say "hey, remember us"?
We'd all would laugh, and I loved to watch the joy they had for my one and only child. It thrilled their hearts, and mine as well.
Today is a different story. Actually, last year when Logan and I went to visit her in Florida, she asked Logan, while they were watching television together, if he had any brother's or sister's. Things of course have really changed since my mom has Alzheimer's. I want to believe that she remembers Logan although I'm not really sure.
There are pictures of him scattered, at all ages all over her home, on her refrigerator and yet mom because of her macular degeneration can no longer really focus to see him .
The other day mom was having glimpses of some memories, so I decided to I share with her that Logan and his gilrfriend were looking for an apartment together. I told her that I was thrilled since we really did like her. Mom thought that it was so nice, except she asked me two questions. One was "how old is the little boy"? Which I answered, "the little boy is not so little, he's twenty four years old". The other question, almost broke my heart as she uttered the words, "does he like me"? "Mom, not only does he like you, he also loves you". I could feel the happiness flowing from her heart.
I then shared with mom that Gil, her son was coming today to see her. Mom answered with,"oh great ,and is this my real son"? I giggled and said "of course mom, you have only one son, and he is the real one". Mom seemed to enjoy that, as I wondered what was she thinking.
As I hung up the phone I thought about the several conversations we just had and thought how horrific Alzheimer's is. How can this disease just remove all of her memories, her identity, her past and even her future. The moment something happens one second later it is all gone .
Even when I share with my mom that I am coming to visit, she cannot hold on to the joy that in the near future I will be arriving. The whole thought and experience is lost that second and disappears into no where land.
I sit and wonder how my mom spoke those words asking me does he like me? I felt a sadness about how can this disease destroy all these brain cells, bit by bit to there is nothing left. How can she forget the feelings of his love?
All that I have left to say is "mom, your grandson not only loves you, he adores you for all the things that you once shared, for being his grandmother, and for all the love he truly has felt from you.
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