Friday, December 28, 2012



I hope everyone had a holiday filled with much love. For me, I've had my ups and my downs since returning from visiting my mom in the beginning of December. Although it was a good trip, it left me with some heaviness that I was unable to shake off. I remained with a strange feeling for over a week, one that was hard to explain. This feeling finally lifted, and once again I was able to smile at the sweet things my mom had said.

Mom was surprised that my son( her only grandson) was twenty five years old. She also questioned me on the age of my"other" child. I explained to her that I had only one child who is named after her father. She seemed to like that and although it did not flash any memories for her, she reminded me in a lighthearted voice that I was lucky that I had only one child.

I wondered today how many children mom would say she gave birth to. Some days it is two and other days none. Some days she knows my name and some days she questions who I am. One day she thought my name was Elaine, which is her caregivers name, and when I explained that she gave birth to me and also named me, she was as equally surprised.

At least finding out at that moment that I was her daughter, she enthusiastically declared,"oh that's why I  love you so much." Great, mom was finally able to get it ,if only for the moment. Yet each day that I call she is surprised that I am on the telephone, and she only wants to know when I will be coming to visit. Mom always invites me to stay for as long as I want, and at the same moment she declares how she loves when she sees me.

My stories are always different about when I will be arriving. First I would say I just left you, then I'd explain that I needed to get a plane ticket, so I would be coming in 3 months, and now I announce that I will there in a few weeks. With this last answer mom is pleasantly surprised and happy that it will only be a few weeks before I arrive. There is absolutely no harm in stretching the truth to her, as long as it brings joy to her and I can hear the delight in her voice.

On Christmas Day, I mentioned that she would be joining her caregivers family for Christmas, she said ,"Lisa, you should ask if you can come along." Then my wise lady said "it does not hurt to ask, you have nothing to loose either way."

Mom then went into a dialogue about her parents, saying that they were driving her crazy. With enthusiasm, I listened to each word for mom rarely speaks about her parents, and when she has, she is always filled with much love and respect for them. I do not recall her ever describing them this way. She said that they keep wanting her to move near them. With much expression she continues to tell me that since she told them "no", they finally have left her alone. Could mom be reversing her parents and me?

Mom only wanted me to tell her that I like her, not that I love her, because some people could get the wrong idea. Like, love it's all the same mom. Yet this lady not only have I learned to love her in such a deep meaningful way, I also genuinely like her. My mom, my sweetheart lights up my life each day, even when she mixes all these things up.

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a New Year's filled with love and understanding.

1 comment:

  1. <3 Thank you, once again, for helping me in my own journey with my Mom. Happy New Year!