A PLACE CALLED HOME
I use to look forward to phoning my mom each morning. Things have recently changed since mom is living in a nursing home. Now when I call the nurses station each day, I cannot help but feel a lump in my throat. As of yet I have not been able to arrange any phone calls to speak to her. It's not that I haven't tried, I just feel that it is more important to hear about how mom is adjusting.
On Monday I will be seeing mom and meeting with her nurses, and hopefully I will then be able to arrange someway, of hearing her sweet voice. My husband did remind me that mom does not realize that I am not calling, yet for me it is so important to speak to her. This ritual has become part of my life for the last nine years. One that I have truly loved.
The joy that I felt from these phone calls, especially since I could not jump in my car and see her left me feeling connected to her . The distance between us at these moments all but vanished for the several minutes we were able to share. Through the years our conversations have diminished, as mom's disease has stolen from her the power of connecting her thoughts with her words .Yet somehow I still feel like I have deserted her.
During these last trying weeks mom has mostly spoken about her parents, especially her mother. Mom keeps requesting that she wants to go home. She told me that her mom called and that she is worried about her. She then added in that her mother liked me very much and wanted to know whose house I would prefer to go to, hers or her mom's. There was not much I could say except to leave her in her "new" world of fantasy.
It's both fascinating and profound to me how in her mind she travels back in time . She always wishes to go back home to her parents. A place for her that must feel safe and sound, and filled with much love. A place she calls her home. Mom just turned 89 years old, and living with her parents was many moons ago.
Mom is still unable to walk since her feet are now swelled. The nurse's were trying to get her to take a few steps since the rehab was not working. How can you give mom directions and then leave her to continue with the exercise, if she cannot even remember what she had for lunch directly after finishing a meal ? The nursing home is not to blame, just that everything is limited unless one can afford private care, 24 hours a day. Unfortunately for us this is not possible.
So mom remains in diapers because she is unable to get up and walk to a bathroom and is confined to a wheelchair. The director of nursing thinks that mom might be able to walk and that I should keep my spirits up. I must confess that my conversations so far with the staff have left me feeling somewhat secure. They seem knowledgeable and committed to their profession .
So this is my mom's new life, whatever is left of it, and this is now for her a place called home. We all need time to adjust, and I can only hope and pray that my mom will be well taken care of. For me I need to be thankful that I have been given this second chance to love this lady unconditionally.
September is Worldwide Alzheimer's Month
My Mom My Hero book is for all the special people in our lives.
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