Thursday, July 10, 2014

MY BIRTHDAY MOM CANNOT REMEMBER


MY BIRTHDAY MOM CANNOT REMEMBER


My mom gave birth to me. She raised me. She taught me right from wrong. Yet she has no idea when I was born. On good days I think she knows that I am her daughter and knows my name, and on other days she is not sure who I am. Then there are the moments that she thinks she has seven children.

After almost ten years I still find it hard to believe that Alzheimer's can rob my mother of her whole life. You would think that by now I would be able to understand this disease and how it removes one's world as if it never existed.

In my wildest imagination I cannot believe that if I were to become one of the unlucky ones,there could be a day that I, too, could no longer know my husband and son. This thought sends shock waves and chills through my entire body.

Quickly,I must remove myself from such a sad depressing thought. Today, I am free of this disease and, as I celebrate on July 12th my birthday, I will enjoy all the beautiful things that exist in my life. I will hold onto all the images that I adore and appreciate the warmth of the sun on my face. I will look at all the beauty that surrounds me and enjoy each and every day.

I cannot thank my parents enough for bringing me into this world and for all the love that they gave me. I  know that if mom could find the words she would surely wish me a Happy Birthday and share with me how very much she loves me. If only she could remember.

12 comments:

  1. Sad but beautiful, Lisa. I am so sorry for your pain. Perhaps your mom will remember. Either way, you're still in her heart and part of her soul. Have a lovely birthday.

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    1. Marianne, Thanks so much for the Birthday wishes. It seems that so many can relate to this post....we're all in this together! Hugs, Lisa

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  2. Have a great birthday Lisa and please know that I totally feel your pain. My Mom doesn't remember my birthday either and I had a really exciting birth being born at home prematurely!! It's shocking she doesn't remember that. One blessing is that she has also forgotten that she had two kids which thankfully meant I didn't have to tell her the heartbreaking news of my sister's death. Like you, I can't even imagine forgetting my awesome husband!!! Soooo scary!!!

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  3. Hi Loretta, Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I'm so sorry about the loss of your sister.Yes this horrific disease has some upsides. I always think that since my mom has no memory that anything that did upset her(like loosing my dad) is also gone. I am so thankful for that. We have to find something positive with this illness ! Lisa

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  4. Hi Lisa
    Well the first thing that I want to do is wish you the most wonderful of Birthdays and hope you have a great year ahead. Your post brought back a lot of memories for me and how hard it is to not share the most important days with the one that loves you the most. I found Birthdays and Christmas very hard. I was truly very lucky in that I was surrounded by some wonderful and very special friends that would not let these days go by without something from my Mom for me. On the floor where my Mom was in the hospital had a surprise birthday party for me with all the patients and that was so special and at Christmas elves visited my Mothers room and practiced with her writing my name and writing love Mom and left some gifts for me under her tree in her room. I am blessed to have such people in my life and hers. I know that It hurts to think that she does not remember but know that it is not her choice and it is this horrific disease. Surround yourself with family and friends and remember the birthdays that she was part of and it makes it a bit easier. Oh and if I forgot a nice stiff rum and coke also helps (LOL). I hope you have a wonderful day and know she is with you in your heart and that is as close as she could ever be. Happy Birthday Hugs Carol

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  5. Hi Carol,
    Your story brought smiles to my face . I loved how you shared about your Christmas with your mom. Thanks you so much for the Birthday Wishes. Hugs right back to you, Lisa

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  6. HI Lisa,
    I am not sure you'll remember me but we've written to one another before...a few years ago, I think. My own blog, viewsfromthedock.blogspot.com, has allowed me the chance to make sense of my own growth/accepting life, experiences over the past four years, the point where I no longer could talk and confide in my best friend, my Mom. I write on many topics but in case you don't remember me, my own Mom has dementia/Alz and after my Dad's death last June (At 85, he'd been caring for Mom for the years of her decline and was truly my HERO for all that he did for Mom and all of us in our family), Mom now lives 45 minutes from me. After a tough month of transition last August, she is now doing quite well. She is well taken care of, safe, content...healthy. But no, she doesn't use my name or refer to me as her daughter. She doesn't remember her old life with her husband and children....but seems to have memories of herself as a child and her own Mom and Dad, aunts, etc. Still, she lights up when she sees me and she says, "I love you too" when I tell her I love her. I have to believe that is enough for me...there's love there. Love still remains even if her memory doesn't. Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that I still return to your blog from time to time. It's good to know that others understand what it's like... Take care.

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    1. Hi Anne, Thanks for writing to me. Of course I remember you and I also read you blog from time to time. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. My dad passed away almost 20 years ago. I miss him, yet I'm happy that he is not alive to see my mom the way she is. Although she is a real cutie. I think for him it would be so difficult. I'm happy that your mom is doing well and you are lucky that she is at least somewhat close to you. My mom is also doing "well" given how long she has Alz. She'll be 90 in a few weeks. I'm going to make her a party at the facility. In January I will be spending a month with my mom in Florida. I must do this before she gets even worse. I miss her terribly. Seeing her for a few days every several months is quite difficult. Hugs to you & mom. Lisa

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  7. Lovely post Lisa! Am glad you are maintaining the focus on the positive side of life, despite the sadness this occasion has brought. Thinking of you... x

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  8. Lisa-
    Today is my birthday and it's the first one where my mother can't remember what a birthday is or that I'm her daughter. It's been very difficult to say the least. I found your post which helped me to focus on the positive which can be very hard. My mom would be the first to celebrate my birthday if she could - that's what's important. We are so lucky to have mothers that were/are heroes to us. Thank you for bringing me back to reality.

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    1. First let me wish you a very Happy Birthday. Your mom will always and forever be you mom so just take a deep breath and feel all the love she has for you. Yes that is what we must focus on Birthday girl. Hugs to you & mom. Lisa

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