A PANG IN MY HEART
After a lengthy visit with my mom I still feel a deep pang in my heart that will not easily go away. Not only do I miss her I also find myself thinking about her more often each day. Some of this might be attributed to finding out that someone else dear to my heart (at the age of seventy) also suffers from this disease.
His name is Rabbi Catano and he now lives in a nursing home close to where we live. This past weekend my husband and I went to visit him, which of course, brought up many thoughts and feelings about my own mother. I sometimes feel angry at this disease for it sweeps in without warning and erases peoples' lives as if they never existed.
During my past visit with mom she spent most of her days speaking of or searching for her own mother. I noticed how our dear friend also repeated over and over about his grandmother and bringing her the newspaper. If I can find any "comfort" with Alzheimer's it would be that I believe that my mom and Rabbi Catano are not in any pain nor suffering.
I am left wondering that no matter how old you are, do you ever stop missing your parents? Could your feelings be wrapped up into your own mortality? My dad passed away twenty years ago and mom is still alive, although there certainly is a large part of her that is no longer here. Do I now in some ways consider myself an orphan?
Isn't a parent supposed to worry about you, think about you and want to take care of you no matter how old you are? What happened to my beliefs of what a parent should be like? Are they now all disguised due to an illness?
One thing that is left and comforts me is the thought that my mother, whether she expresses it or not, would only want wonderful things for me.Whether they are alive or not, or unable to fully express it, I must always remember how much love my dad and my mom had for me. In that way I was blessed my whole life to have parents who really did love me.
Available on Amazon , Kindle & Audio worldwide.