ALL YEAR LONG
I awoke today with this burning desire to cuddle up and tell you not to worry that everything will be okay. My feelings surfaced once again after watching a week old video that my brother just recorded of you. I was saddened when you could not recall your own mother's name who I know you adored. This time, if only for a second, it was your dad who was vivid in your memory.
I can't help but want to protect you "from the cold" as if you were my own child. None of this is possible given the distance that lies between us. It is still five long months before I will see you again and at least be able to spend an entire month with you. I fear that you are moving backwards as I dream of bringing you forward in time.
This morning I questioned what it would have been if I were able to have conversed with you each day for hours. Would this have helped with your memory and with losing your ability to make sense when you speak? Could this have slowed the progression of your disease? I know that it is Alzheimer's that has robbed you of this, except I cannot help but wonder.
This feeling of just wanting to protect you is one that will not go away. Just thinking that your confusion might be frightening to you brings more sorrow to my heart.
Logan your only grandson is getting married in less than a month and although you are alive you cannot understand. Could my feelings also be in some way connected to this special celebration?
All of us who have witnessed this horrific disease first hand still cannot understand it. Yes September is Worldwide Alzheimer's month yet for all of us, families caregivers it lasts all year long.
MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours.
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