MOM'S "NEW" WORLD
In less than three months I will be back in Florida to spend some valuable time with my mom. As the countdown begins I feel a conflict of emotions; excitement, since I will be able to see her every day, and nervousness wondering what she will be like.
I wonder why, when I think of her, my feelings of love and queasiness go hand in hand. Her world seems to have stopped as if the arms of a clock were frozen in time. Why can't I just except what her "new "world now consists of ?
As her daughter and caregiver I seem to envision what I would not want for her. If mom had a looking glass before, and had known what her life would have looked like, would she have asked me to "save" her from this world; a universe of Alzheimer's and a world that is still so unknown ?
Alzheimer's has different stages and although mom has been in stage 6 for some time now, she appears as she did a year ago. It is over eleven years since she has dementia. Is this good or bad? Is she one of the lucky ones ? It is all how one looks at it. I believe that mom is not suffering so then I feel that, given this disease, this is all that I can ask for.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like not to know where you are, what day it is, if the sun is shining, or if it is raining? What did you eat for dinner last night and how did you spend your day? What is your favorite movie or what book did you just finish? These are the simple everyday things of life that most of us take for granted. Can you imagine not knowing any of these answers?
I question, who is the one truly suffering? Is it my mom or is it me? I think we as caregivers know that answer. Yet there is nothing we can do. I ,like you, sit and wait. Fortunately I still cherish her smiles, her laughter and as each days go by, me in my world, and mom in her "new" world, I take a deep breath and keep moving on.
MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours.
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