Friday, October 2, 2015

THE WEDDING DAY


THE WEDDING DAY


My son got married this past weekend and my husband and I are still floating on "cloud nine". The wedding took place in Martha's Vineyard which is a 5 hour car ride from my home in New York City. We were away for five days to celebrate this joyous occasion with family and friends.

Mom would have been so happy and proud. Logan was the "love of her life," and also the only grandchild she ever had. I wore a bracelet to the wedding that my mom had given me so I could feel that she was somehow with us.

Since mom has Alzheimer's and lives in Florida we knew that it would be impossible for her to come. I did not call the nursing home for five days, although I had notified them that my brother and I would be away. I knew that if anything happened they would immediately contact one of us. 

After returning home from Logan's & Julia's wedding I quickly phoned the nursing home. They told me that mom was doing well and I shared with the nurse about my son's wedding and asked her to please go tell my mom. As I hung up the phone, my eyes became watery, as I wiped away my tears.

Maybe mom would understand for a split second, yet I realized, poof it would all be gone. I knew that there would be no pictures for her to glow over, or any memories of the special times they once had shared.

A sadness came over me as I realized how she is locked away, not knowing any of the joyous parts of the world she once lived in. I thought, is this the life that she would want to be living? If I had the power would I be able to end it for her?

I shared this with my Alzheimer Support Group yesterday, and what I was left with, is that death is so final. I would no longer be able to hold her hand, touch her cheek or see her smile. Could it now be that what I have wished for, may not be, what I really truly want.


MY MOM MY HERO book is dedicated to my mother and yours. 
Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio.



 

4 comments:

  1. Hi Lisa
    So glad you had a wonderful wedding. Your Mom was with you and Logan in the form of the bracelet and also in your hearts. She is never far from you as long as she is in your heart. As for the feeling that you are feeling we all go through those feeling but remember that every once in a while there is a lucid moment no matter how fleeting it may be those are the moments at this time you need to treasure. I brought my Mom to my nephews wedding and all was well but she did not recognize him or even herself in pictures right after. I think now I brought her more for me then her. Hard thing to admit but you see things clearer as time goes by. Know that your Mom was there like your Dad also in your hearts both yours and Logan's. I wish I was there to give you a big hugs because when these thoughts creep into our world they cause us heartache but know it is normal. Carry on your Mom is happy in her world and you still need her here on earth to be there for you if nothing more then her beautiful smile that seems to make everything OK at least that is the way I felt about my Mom's smile. Hope this helps in some little way. Glad all went well at the wedding. Hugs Carol

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    1. Carol, have I shared with you that I love you !

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    2. We will have to meet some day

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